Lawyers
Posted on Friday, March 24, 2006My lawyer, Gonad the Ballbearian, isn’t a 300-pound Samoan, but you can’t have everything. He ran away from the circus to become a lawyer but ended up working in Limerick, which just goes to show that there’s no escaping the K Twins: Kismet and Karma.
I invited him out for a drink recently and, I must say, his bill was quite reasonable in the circumstances. I have it here in front of me.
To Services Rendered
Listening to unmitigated drivel — 234 euro
Offering opinion on Munster’s chances — free
Enduring self-pitying whine — 135 euro
Refresher — 828 euro
Helping with crossword — 153 euro
Accepting free pints — 432 euro
Refresher — 828 euro
Offering opinion on Munster’s chances — free
Listening to more shite — 324 euro
Supplementary refresher — 1647 euro
Counsel’s opinion — one pint
Special Refresher — 1233 euro
Offering opinion on Munster’s chances — free
Rugby opinion supplement — 1836 euro
Pints for counsel— 99 euro
Postage, photocopying, searches,
bollock-scratching, leering at secretary
and looking out window — 14,571 euro
=============================
CASH TOTAL — 22,320 euro and one pint
Not unreasonable, I thought, for an enjoyable half hour in the pub.
Stumble it!
May 4th, 2006
From Gonad
I am disappointed to read that you had an enjoyable half hour. This was not anticipated. I billed on the basis of anticipated rating of “utter drudge” and accordingly must send a supplementary bill for €3,500 plus VAT for the additional benefits provided unwittingly. Please mark this bill urgent and place with remaining unpaid urgent bills.