My lawyer, Gonad the Ballbearian, isn’t a 300-pound Samoan, but you can’t have everything. He ran away from the circus to become a lawyer but ended up working in Limerick, which just goes to show that there’s no escaping the K Twins: Kismet and Karma.
I invited him out for a drink recently and, I must [...]
This is going to be a quick one.
Only the sad old hippies amongst us will remember the early Tyrannosaurus Rex albums, and so I must address this question to the sad old hippies.
Don’t you think Marc Bolan sounds exactly like Cartman?
What the fuck is wrong with McDowell?
Goebbels? Fucking Goebbels?
Do you know something, I’m really starting to despair of Irish politicians. You hear all this shit about Irish wit and repartee and yet this is the best these fools can come up with. Goebbels????
He couldn’t even get his insult right. I heard what he said, [...]
I see that the membership of an Garda Siochana are upset at the prospect of our having a police reserve. They don’t think it’s a good thing to have amateurs carrying out a policing role, and, instead, they want more trained Guards on the streets to fight crime.
All well and good, but here’s a curious [...]
I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, over a few pints, discussing the great victory at the weekend, and how we didn’t actually win at all considering the fact that Horgan’s first try wasn’t actually a try, so to speak. Anyway, during the course of this conversation it became obvious that a member [...]
Tie. I. I. I. I’m. Is on my side.Tie. I. I. I. I’m. Is on my side.
That’s the Rolling Stones. And, Mick, I’m sorry to tell you that tie I-I-I I’m is definitely not on your side. Mick, you’re pushing seventy. Get a grip. [...]
I know. What a load of shite. I know. It’s the blog equivalent of putting on Alice’s Restaurant and fucking off for a smoke, like Ronan Collins used to do, before they took the afternoon away from him and gave it to the Nicest Man in Ireland. It wouldn’t be hard to be the nicest [...]
Today, I think I’ll share with you one of the works of William Topaz McGonagall, a man widely acknowledged to be the worst poet who ever lived. This fine example of his work commemorates the Tay Bridge disaster, one of the worst railway accidents ever to occur in Britain, and so we find a certain [...]
You know Feng Shui? Of course you do.
Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Feng Shui. I want to talk about the fucking eejits who correct your pronunciation of “Feng Shui”.
You must have got this shit: “Oh, it’s actually pronounced Fung Shway, y’know”.
Is it really? Well, I think we all agree the Chinese don’t [...]
There’s a hurley in my bathroom.
Why is there a hurley in my bathroom? I noticed it just now when I went to wash the blood and dog-drool off my hands after another failed attempt to kill the Hound of Hell. A hurley, nailed to that nice ethnic little mahogany man with doors on his chest, [...]
