Here’s one by Hilaire Belloc that I always liked.
A Python I would not advise.
It needs a doctor for its eyes
And has the measles yearly.
However, if you feel inclined
To get one (to improve your mind,
And not from fashion merely),
Allow no music near its cage;
And when it flies into a rage
Chastise it, most severely.
I had an aunt [...]
I promised you an update on the Aer Rianta story if I heard any more, so here you go. I bumped into another lawyer type yesterday evening, and brought up the matter of that big fat fucker who sued Aer Rianta. Sorry. The matter of that poor traumatised woman who quite properly received compensation for [...]
The Wrinkly Romeos are playing the Kilkenny Rhythm & Roots festival over the weekend, which ought to be pretty good. The festival, I mean, not the Wrinkly Romeos. Their drummer is in hospital, for whatever ridiculous wrinkly reason, and in his place they have a guy with an electronic kit. Great. There you are, trying [...]
Team
P
W
D
L
F
A
W
D
L
F
A
GD
PTS
As you can see, the bums are safe.
What? No, you haven’t changed channel by mistake. Well done, the Guards.
A complete skobe by the name of Kevin Dunne attacked a Lithuanian man called Vytas Sukys and beat him so badly that Mr Sukys now needs full-time nursing-home care. He is unable to speak and cannot walk unaided. The investigating Guards set [...]
Yesterday, I booked flights for myself and the Bullet to the East Midlands airport. I don’t know why: it just seemed like the right thing to do. Gonad has a brother, (whose name I don’t know, you’ll be glad to hear – just as well he hasn’t a sister) and it seems he runs a [...]
I heard an item on the news tonight, about a woman who sued Aer Rianta for . . . for . . . well for what, I’m not quite sure. These are the facts as I understand them at the moment, but I probably got some of it wrong, so I’ll come back to you [...]
I’ve been in fairly frequent correspondence with my old friend Joe-who-works-for-Halliburton-the-unprincipled-bastard. Let’s call him Joe d’Arab, for simplicity. Actually, he’s a baldy fucker from Tipperary (hock-thooey!) but we’ll overlook that. His second most recent email was to point out to me that Denis Leamy is from the next parish to him outside Fethard, and I [...]
I seem to have been building this kitchen for about eighteen years now, and I don’t know when I’ll be finished. I’m hoping to have most of it complete within a month or two, maybe, and in that hopeful spirit, I made a small leap of faith today, purchasing a can-opener. It’s a cheap plastic [...]
Little Willie from the mirror
Licked the mercury right off,
Thinking, in his childish error, it would cure the whooping cough.
At the funeral, his mother brightly said to Mrs Brown
“‘Twas a chilly day for Willie when the mercury went down!”
