Hints and wrinkles
Posted on Friday, April 21, 2006I’m getting worried about Wrinkly Paddy. He seems to be hitting the sauce very hard at the moment, and he’s becoming abusive to anyone straying inside his field of vision which, admittedly, has shrunk to about two metric feet. I heard that he’s been wandering around housing estates knocking on doors, screaming at the people who come out, “I know where you fuckin live!!!” He’s completely fluent in the Garda dialect by now, and could easily pass for a Member, but what’s even more worrying is the fact that myself and The Bullet have to stay in his house on Sunday night. You see, Wrinkly Joe - the only man who can talk him down from a homicidal seizure - is still in Australia. When I say “talk him down”, I really mean the only one of us who has a stun gun, but let’s not split hairs. I brought a bottle of Mace back from Prague last month when I was over there with the Rockhopper recruiting a team of assassins and Hoors for a special project. So if necessary, I’ll either mace him or hoor him. Joe has a problem in Oz (as we call it down here). He can’t find a pub showing the game on Sunday. What? In Australia? Yeah, mate. In Australia, It seems all the pubs are showing the fucking Celtic match instead. What?? Ah, come on! WTF?
So, here’s to Wrinkly Joe. I hope he’s reading this in the Antipodes. Joe, if you’re listening, we’ll be texting you, mate. No worries!! G’day!
As for Wrinkly Paddy, well, I don’t know. I have this second-hand humane killer that I bought the last time I holidayed in Ballyhaunis, but it just doesn’t seem right. I know him such a long time that, if ever I killed him, it probably shouldn’t be done humanely.
Stumble it!
April 24th, 2006
Thanks for the sympathy. In regard to finding a pub to watch this match - the thick plottens. NONE of the Irish pubs are showing the game because it’s only available on a French Sat. channel and the cunts ‘don’t pick up dat wan’. The only pub that I can find that has access to this channel is the ‘Charles Dickens Tavern’ - which you may gather does not have a large Irish clientele. The Celtic game will actually finish before the Rugby game , however, the other cup semi final will start at 16:00 and if the Middlesboro/’Whoverer the fuck they’re playing’ supporters outnumber the rugger buggers, the pub will switch over to the soccer. In the words of that old ballad “I predict a riot”. Wrinkley Paddy - It’s the blue pills on alternate weekends, not the red spotty ones !
April 25th, 2006
Is that you, Wrinkly Joe? When did you change your persona to anonymous?
Are you saying hat those phuggen bastards wouldn’t let you watch the Munster game? In Australia? WJ, you must update Bock’s people now, for we have reprisals to plan.
April 27th, 2006
what is the prince of darkness doin in fuckin oz,if he gets the no.7 bus out df Perth he could nearly visit me
April 27th, 2006
Hi there Mick.
Thanks for the comment. The Lord Beelzebub is in Oz on family business, visiting the Spawn of Satan, who’s living there for a year, I think. That would be the Daughter of Darkness.
I’m certain Beelzebub will be delighted to see your post when he gets back after laying waste to countries, seizing souls and spreading disease, famine and Scunthorpe jerseys.
If the number 7 bus is the one he needs to nearly visit you, which number should he take to actually visit you?
Bock