Leonard Cohen Lives!
Posted on Tuesday, July 4, 2006I was lying on the floor, face down and covered in blood, which is the approved way of listening to my favourite loyalist band, the Electric Prods, when the news came through the window, wrapped around a brick. The new movie about Leonard Cohen is being premiered. Now I happen to fukken LOVE Leonard Cohen. I think he’s hilarious. Only a man with a real sense of black humour could write a line like She’s a hundred but she’s wearing something tight.
And then I came across a preview for the movie, which was even better, and so I had a look at it, but what do you think I found in it? That’s right. Fucking Bono. Only this time, he isn’t pretending to be Samuel Beckett. No. This time he isn’t pretending at all. This time he’s being true to himself as the most self-important puffed-up wanker in the entire world.
Listen to Bono in this clip and tell me he isn’t a jerk, closely followed by The Edge. (What sort of a name is that for a grown-up, by the way?)
What’s the story with Bono? Isn’t that the greatest load of drivel you ever heard? Why the fuck do we allow this gobshite to live?
However, leaving Bono back there talking shite, let’s get back to Lenny. Surely God is the son of this man. I’ve just completed my translation of the entire works of Leonard Cohen into ancient Irish, and so the timing of the movie is great news. I’m planning to launch the book in the University of Limerick on the day of the movie’s Irish premiere, and with any luck, Doctor Bongo McAngry, Professor of Celtic Begrudgery, will scream a few words as I ritually smash a cello over his head. This is what the Druids used to do at book launches, and I’m trying to be authentic. I even had my dog lobotomised for the occasion, as prescribed in Brehon Law.
Stumble it!
July 11th, 2006
You seemed to have failed to notice over the years Bock that both Bono and the Edge are not actually human. They are both aliens. I know this may come as a surprise to you but how else could Bono be everywhere! Ah I think I can hear the penny drop. There is a space station orbiting earth which is claoked, like the Klingons do and whenever THEY want to wheedle their way into our consciousness they send down a Bono to Bamboozle us. This is why whenever you switch on the telly, Bono is there whether it is Karachi or New York. The Edge guy is a kind of cosmic joke a hint if you will that he is from the edge of the universe. On a Dan Brown angle Bono could also be Nobo, probably another sick joke by aliens on us, foolish earthlings. Edge is probably Hedge but the “H” is silent.
QJS