Muhammad MacGyver

 Posted by on August 11, 2006  Add comments
Aug 112006
 

I’m not yet completely familiar with this latest terrorist extravaganza and I’ll therefore withhold judgement about what the police have said. I don’t know anything about the plot, or about the plotters, or indeed about anything at all to do with it. And so on that aspect of things, I’ll remain silent for the moment.

Let’s just shut the fuck up for now until we find out what’s going on, ok?

Ok.

Dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum

Liquids?

You can’t bring liquids onto a plane?

Is this the end of duty-free as we know it?

Let us just back-track a little bit, here. There’s a book that I heard of called the SAS Handbook, or something like that. I didn’t read it because it involves sleeping in a piece of tin-foil and eating lizard-shit for a month, but the main point is that it’s been around for years and years. And it contains all kinds of dangerous information like how to turn a tooth-pick and a piece of cotton wool into a thermonuclear device.

This is not new. This is stuff that anybody with even the most rudimentary knowledge of chemistry would have been aware of years ago. Yes, you can walk into a hardware shop and yes, you can buy ingredients that, yes, you can turn into a fucking bomb. Every geek and nerd on the planet has known this forever, and therefore, you would imagine, so has every security agency in the world. You’d imagine that, wouldn’t you? In fact, you’d hope so.

Therefore, given that MI5 and the CIA and the KGB and all the rest of the fuckers had this information since the formation of the universe, why is it that only now are they preventing you from taking bottles of stuff onto a plane? Are they saying, Shit! Are you serious? You mean it’s real? You can really make a bomb out of ordinary stuff?

Oh fuck off.

The security apparatus that developed facial recognition software didn’t know that a bottle of stuff might burn?

Come on! I don’t mind being fooled, but for fuck’s sake, don’t take me for a total idiot.

As I said, I haven’t worked out the implications of this stuff yet, and therefore it’s too soon to express any opinion about the operation that’s happening as we speak, but I can’t help remembering one thing: the people in charge of this are the same ones who assured us Jean Charles deMenezes was a terrorist. Hey, I know everyone is entitled to a bad day at work, but still, you gotta think, well, let’s give it a day or two before we make our minds up. Nothing personal, you understand.

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  2 Responses to “Muhammad MacGyver”

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  1.  

    With the right mix of Islamic Balti onions and tinker’s piss a lethal weapon is easily constructed. This threat has been delayed as no tinker worth a piss has been found.

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