I see from a report in the papers that a new Dáil chamber is being considered. It’s going to be a state-of-the-art facility with any amount of bells and whistles.
There’s going to be a Cone of Silence where deals can be agreed with religious orders and multinational oil companies.This will be very useful in facilitating the full transfer of power from the electorate to the Vatican-US Oil Corp in 2025.
Recognising the difficulty some rural members have, travelling from places like West Cork and Donegal, the new Dáil chamber will have a 5,000-metre deep cavern housing a Stargate.
For shorter distances – say across Dublin, for example – there’s going to be a matter-transporter capable of beaming even the most obese member from Dun Laoghaire to Malahide if, for instance, a supermarket urgently needs to be opened. This measure is expected to yield great savings in Garda time, now that they won’t be required to force all the drivers on the M50 onto the hard shoulder every time a minister needs to get home for his lunch.
And finally, there’s going to be a Universal Translator, for all those illiterate gobshite TDs who stand up and mutter away in Klingon until somebody tells them to shut the fuck up.