Last night, as usual, I riveted a sheet of stainless steel to my bedroom door and, as usual, by dawn the dog had gnawed through it. As usual, I fired [...]

Isn't there some big Catholic thing coming up soon, in early December? The Immaculate Assumption, or the Holy Dispersal. Something of that sort, anyway. The Blessed Emulsification, maybe. In the [...]

Did you ever hear people saying that? Oh, yes. Indeed. You see, I had a little twinge. Nothing really, but it's best to be on the safe side, so I [...]

The crew cheered as the Class-10 Starcruiser O'Malley dropped out of hyperspace, another terrifying mission completed. The white searing light of the Sol star at the heart of their home [...]

Would you like to know how I protect my children from getting shot? Watch carefully. I don't deal drugs. Isn't that brilliant? Everybody should try it.

Wrinkly Joe's son sent me an invitation to his wedding. His wedding!! What???? I phone up Wrinkly Joe. How the fuck can your young fella be inviting me to his [...]

Why in heaven's name are criminals targeting Paul Crawford? This poor man was fired on in July, prompting his outraged associates to shoot at houses in Moyross and Kileely in [...]

I went to a play tonight, and I enjoyed it very much indeed. Impact are doing a Beckett season in their tiny little basement theatre, and that's where Joe and [...]

"I heard you saying A Fistful of Dollars" That's right, I say. A Fistful of Dollars. We were thinking of having it as one of our movie nights in my [...]

A bunch of Australian muck-savages beat a crowd of Irish muck-savages in Croke Park today. They were playing a game known as Compromise Rules, which has got to be the [...]