The Feast of the Blessed Condescension

This article was first published in November 2006



Isn’t there some big Catholic thing coming up soon, in early December? The Immaculate Assumption, or the Holy Dispersal. Something of that sort, anyway. The Blessed Emulsification, maybe.

In the past, it was the day when all the farmers used to head for their nearest urban centre to get completely blunted in the pub while the missus noodled around the shops buying cocaine and vibrators, but those days are long gone. Now, in the new Celtic Aardvark Ireland, rural people no longer need to visit their local town in huge hordes on the feast of the Unmissable Contraction. Certainly not. These days, rural people are all over in Dubai with their accountants in early December, trying to figure out how much their patch of mud is worth now. Bastards.

It wasn’t always like this. It wasn’t always money money money. Oh no.

Actually, that’s not true. It was always about money. Let me give you a case in point.

Recently, the Comptroller and Auditor General issued a report about the payments by the Residential Institutions Redress Board to victims of clerical abuse. The latest figure is 1.2 billion euros. Let me repeat that. One thousand two hundred million euros.

Now, what do you think this money is for? Is it because the government think these people deserve a holiday and could do with a few bob to help them go to Malaga?


Is it because the people who claimed are so damn nice you couldn’t refuse them?

No, it isn’t.

Well, maybe it’s because the Catholic Church has decided to share some of its vast wealth with poor people, in line with the teaching of Jesus?

Ah come on now! You have to be joking surely? The Catholic Church follow Jesus’s teaching?

No. It’s none of the above. The people have been awarded the money to partially make up for the fact that they were physically, sexually and psychologically abused by priests, nuns and monks. Read that again carefully. Abused by priests by priests, nuns and monks. Not, you will notice, by postmen, police, nurses, dog wardens or any other employee of the State. Children were raped, beaten and psychologically abused by nuns, priests and monks.

You’d imagine therefore that they would be compensated by the organisation their abusers belonged to, wouldn’t you? Of course you would. So how much did the Catholic church pay towards the one thousand two hundred million euros so far paid out to victims?

Most of it, I hear you saying.


Half of it, you suggest.


A quarter, you shout, in despair.

I stand up and wave my arms at you in dismissal. No, no and no again.

The Catholic church paid a tenth of the cost. The Catholic church paid 127 million euros and no matter how high the awards go, that is all the Catholic church will ever pay.


You heard me right. Even though the children were raped, beaten and psychologically abused by nuns, priests and monks, the Catholic church will never pay more than 127 million euros.

So what uncritical benefactor has ridden to the assistance of the Catholic church? What kind and decent person has decided to rescue the church from the penury it brought upon itself by its abuse of children? Who could possibly be so generous? Well, look no further. Look in the mirror, for this wonderful benefactor is you. Your taxes are paying one thousand two hundred million euros to make up the shortfall, and this is the result of an agreement signed by a government minister.

Michael Woods, PhD, agreed this deal with the Catholic church, including Sister Helena O’Donoghue of the Sisters of Mercy, of whom more anon. Dr Woods, you might remember, was once Minister for Health, and did nothing at the time to dispel the belief that he was a medical practitioner when in fact he had a doctorate arising out of some research on tomatoes. Dr Woods is also a well-known member of Opus Dei. Dr Michael Woods concluded a deal whereby your money and mine was used to underwrite the Catholic church without limit. Can you imagine that? These guys paid in 127 million and that was an end of their obligations, even though they were the ones who had committed the abuse. Even though the claims are currently at one thousand two hundred million and rising, the church will never have to pay an extra penny. Our money will be used to pay the rest, no matter how much the bill comes to.

Now, who is Sr Helena O’Donoghue? Sr O’Donoghue is a member of the community that controls the Mater Hospital in Dublin. The Mater Hospital has recently been designated the location for the National Children’s Hospital, even though it is completely inaccessible for children coming from outside Dublin, and for their parents. The location was chosen even though a suitable site was offered at no cost to the government on the periphery of Dublin. (A site which was easily accessible from the N7).

The Mater is also the hospital whose ethics committee attempted to prevent cancer patients from using contraception. A truly Christian institution.


The Sisters of Mercy . . .

Public Apology

Criminal Responsibilty


14 thoughts on “The Feast of the Blessed Condescension

  1. Jaysus, Bock. My arteries can cope with the pressure this stuff brings on. It is an absolute fucking unmitigated abomination that the state is picking up the tab for all of this and any time I think of it I get perilously close to an apoplectic coniption. And those fucking orders have made an absolute fortune from selling huge amounts of property, the acquisition of which was, in many cases, at least in part funded by child labour and deprivation.

  2. No. This is scurrilous innuendo by me.

    I will provide chapter and verse in a later episode.

  3. The Catholics have had a bad press, but they’ve only themselves to blame. Things would have worked out better if they’d allowed the ordination of gorillas, who never rape humans.

  4. I don’t even live in Ireland and I can feel that fucking bill sucking away at my bank account.
    I’m sending my lads to the auld Satanic School.At least they’re up front about it and have a killer record collection.

  5. This muppet government will be voted back
    in by the greedy,selfish bastards of this country.IT systems for the health service that do not work (over 1bn),electronic voting machines that can be tampered with(55 million) couple of million euro on
    storage of said voting machines.
    roads that cost treble the estimates .
    Iodine pills given out that were out of date (remember them incase sellafield went tits up).old peoples homes(over charging,abuse).pedophiles and non existent laws,national aquatic centre (it leaks) dublin port tunnel (it leaks)
    The list could go on and on,but NOT ONE minister has resigned for anything what so ever.
    Vote these idiots out and lets make a change for all our sakes.

  6. God Almighty!! I sort of knew all of those things already, Bock, but I’ve never seen them listed all together…. it’s yet another Gov. scandal. Putrifying disgrace. Will they REALLY get back in again? I was shocked that they made a second term, but God, are we that stupid?
    P.S. I live in the “country” and you’re right the older folk used to have an annual Christmas shop-fest on the 8th of December always. 18 years ago this coming 8th of December, I traipsed in to Cork to have my first child. The midwives had a good ol’ laugh at me that it was the only day of the year I could go in to the big smoke!!!

  7. Mairéad: As you were able to relate so well to this rant, maybe you’d like another one about corruption in modern Ireland?

    Let’s have a little thing on the Rossport saga. How about that?

    Coming right up!

  8. Great. I’m looking forward to it. I can be a bit of a ranter myself, so I relate big time. I’m trying to be more optimistic, positive, serene, accepting on my blog, but the real me slips out!!!!

  9. Well I personally would go to mass, but refuse to leave anything in the collection plate. If you stiff them the tip, maybe they’ll get the idea.

    I had a priest brush up against me once; how much do you think I could get for that?

  10. BTW Bock, I thought you might like to know that the guy who’s providing the storage area for the electronic voting machines and getting paid large wads of moolah for doing so is none other than one Brendan Walsh, sheriff of Dublin ! But don’t quote me !

  11. I’ve just stopped feeling guilty about nicking money from teh collection plate when I was an Alter Boy. I should have fucking stolen more.

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