Well, it’s been a long hard road, but they’re finally here. My new range of action figures will be in the shops for Christmas, and I’m hoping every little girl and boy will want one, or even a whole family of them.
I refer, of course, to Power Pavees® , realistic movable action figures to thrill every kid, young and not-so-young.
The grown-up Power Pavees® will have special powers like no other action toy available anywhere. Take Francie, for instance. Francie has the power to get 40 caravans onto an unopened motorway without anyone noticing. And Pa has the power to make all the insulation disappear off a coil of copper cable by setting fire to it. Winnie has ten times the power of a normal human to trip over a crack in the pavement.
Then, for the younger ones, we’ll have the Pavee Power-Tots ®: little Beyoncé, Courtney, Wayne and Rio. They have the power to ride quad-bikes. When they become teenagers, they’ll have the power to not bother their arses going to school.
They all have the power to fit new plastic gutters for old people, lay tarmac on old people’s driveways and sell three-piece suites to poor people.
You’ll be able to buy a range of accessories for your Power Pavees®. Just like with the old Scalextric game, you’ll be able to get little sections of unopened motorway, and nice little caravans to put on it (but we call them trailers). Fit them together to make an unofficial halting site, or an exciting sulky-track. We also have sections of green space, and new roundabouts to occupy. You can get your own Power Pavee Sulkies®, Hi-Aces and Navara 4x4s for our latest model, the English Cousins®, Power Pavees® .
Other accessories include little movable greyhounds to hang around the trailers, little car-batteries and black bin-liners to throw into the green space beside your motorway, and tiny coils of cable you can set fire to.
And for that favourite little girl in your life, why not rush out now and buy her our adorable My Little Piebald® ?