Drug Trade Taken Over By Criminals

Long ago, if you wanted to roll up a big old spliff for yourself, you went to your local proto-hippy. He’d normally be called Dave, and he’d call you Man.

Hey, Dave.

Uh, hi, Man. Cool threads, Man. Cool. Yeah, like rilly cool, Man.

Ah, right, Dave. Listen, I was wondering if maybe you’d have –

Yeah, Man. Love that Afghan, Man. Reminds me of the time I hitched to Nepal, y’know? There was this amaaazing sunset, y’know, and it looked like someone had actually spilt a huuuge bowl of porridge all over the Himalayas, Man. Yeah. Amaaazing!!

Ah. Grand, Dave. Look, me and the lads got a tenner together between us. Could you do us a ten-spot?

Uh, right, Man. Well, like, I have to, like, look after myself too, Man, so here’s, like an eight-quid deal, but you can, like, have it for a tenner. It’s good shit, Man. It’s a Moroccan-Paki-Leb hybrid, with opium, magic mushrooms and whiskey in it. And peyote! Peyote too, Man, and some sensemilla mixed in too, Man. In Brandy. You’ll be completely paralysed for a week. Amaaazing shit, Man.

Well, that was then, and this is now. Today’s young people tell me that if you want an illegal smile, you have to ask some fat knacker in a hoodie. Which means that all the profit from illegally smiling goes into the pockets of the knacker thug scum who have dragged the name of our town through the mud.

I asked my researchers at the Bockschloss to look into this. Specifically, I instructed them to find a way of getting fat knacker thug scum out of the ganja business, and I now have their recommendation on my desk.

It’s short. In fact, it’s a one-liner.

It says: Grow your own.

kick it on

6 replies on “Drug Trade Taken Over By Criminals”

Apparently a growing phenomenon (sorry!) these days, what with the explosion of head shops selling grow lights and the ongoing Irish dope drought.


I’m far too old to know about such matters any more, but if it helps to put the skobes out of business, I’m all for it.

Sadly the current situation is only compounding the perception that cannabis is a “gateway” drug, as scumbags are much more interested in peddling you baggies of miscellaneous powders as they have a much higher profit:volume ratio,

Conan: dead right

anonymous: This is just my little bit of fighting back. Everything helps. The way to eliminate the skobes would be to abandon the methadone programme and give addicts pure heroin, but the politicians would be afraid to run with it.

On the charitable side, I suppose they don’t want to repeat Geneva’s experience.

fuck them headshops taking advantage of people for money.they profit from the best market availible,stoned people. conned by capitalist hippies who seek to profit from their afraid.

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