Holding a grudge

I had a great idea for turning grudges into money. It’s a business idea, and I expect to get a huge amount of cash from the Government in the form of grant-aid and tax breaks.

I’ll explain.

Irish people, as you know, are renowned world-wide for their ability to harbour resentment and rage. In fact, we hold grudges over generations. Now, I’m not suggesting that we’re alone in this. Far from it. Indeed, I think I can see a military application for my idea, and I intend to send a representative to the Pentagon in the New Year for high-level talks. It was the Yanks, after all, who brought international grudge-holding to a fine art. Look at Vietnam, Cuba and Iraq if you don’t believe me.

But like all sensible businessmen, I’ll start off small.

What’s the business idea? you ask.

Well, medical opinion agrees that holding anger inside can be harmful. We all know how something can eat away at a person, damaging their health, costing marriages, careers and even life itself. But on the other hand, what do you do if someone insults you, or gets that job you thought was yours, or takes your parking space? Forget it? I think not! At the same time, though, if you hold onto the resentment, it will eat away at your very soul.

What to do?

Fear not. Here’s a way to hold that grudge while at the same time letting go of it.

We at Grudge.com offer a simple, yet vital, service to the put-upon, the slighted, the insulted, the cuckolded and the overlooked. Here’s how it works. Sign up to Grudge.com for a (modest) fee. Then, the next time you’re slighted, insulted or offended, simply send us a quick email with the details of the incident. We’ll store it for you, ready for reactivation if the same person ever does anything to you again, or when you’re ready to take your revenge.

Contact us when you want to inflict appalling retribution on your enemy, and we will send you

1. full details of the insult, stoking the fires of your rage as if it had happened yesterday
2. a range of helpful suggestions on ways you could take revenge
3. a list of experienced field-operatives who could help you to inflict your revenge for a (modest) fee
4. a new identity, if required

What could be simpler? You know it makes sense, so sign up today!


5 thoughts on “Holding a grudge

  1. It’s a mistaken back-formation from “tinker’s dam”, which is a small bowl of low value.

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