That’s a remarkably well-trained hound you have there, Bock.
It was Jim, my neighbour.
Bock, if you don’t mind my asking, what training method did you use? I’ve never seen such obedience.
Not at all, Jim, I replied. I use the carrot-and-stick method. When he behaves himself, I throw a stick for him, and when [...]

A few years ago – a good few years, now that I think of it – Wrinkly Paddy and myself wrote a heap of children’s stories. Fairy tales, so to speak, for our children. It was great. We had great fun heading off to the pub, getting drunk and thinking up new [...]

Steve Staunton has called Andy Keogh up to the Irish international squad.
I suppose Andy was no good until last week because he was playing for Scunthorpe, but this week, now that he’s with Wolves, he must be brilliant. Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that the great man, Mick [...]

You know that thing that happens in science-fiction, where somebody goes through a portal and ends up in a parallel universe? It happens in Stargate all the time. You walk through a wall of blue jelly and there you are, back home, except it’s not really back home at all, is it? You [...]

I wandered into town this morning, as is my habit. I like to stroll around the market, buy a dozen eggs, a few bunches of daffodils this time of year, maybe some cocaine from the Irish Hand-Grown Narcotics stall. The market is great. It has a really nice old-town feel to it, [...]

I see that an American soldier has been jailed in connection with the murder of three Iraqi civilians.
According to the Lancet, the prestigious British medical journal, 655,000 Iraqis have been killed since the American invasion in 2003. About 3,000 Americans have also been killed.
Do you see anyone going to jail for that?

I’ve been a bit remiss with the reports on Scunthorpe United lately. With all the rugby and the drunkenness and everything else, sometimes it gets hard to maintain the regular level of service that my readers are entitled to. (The ones who aren’t anonymous, that is).
Times have been turbulent at Scunthorpe United in [...]

I stopped smoking four years ago.
I used to have three cigarettes in bed before I got up. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and go downstairs to have a smoke. Sometimes, I’d be out having a drink and I’d be puffing away at my cigarette, and I’d be [...]

Isn’t it terrible the way the Environment Fascists have taken over the country? These days, you can’t burn a pile of tyres in your garden any more. When you’re finished with your old three-piece suite, you can’t just take it down to the canal and toss it in, like we always used to [...]

I bumped into one of the Gerrys during the week. I hadn’t seen him since we buried Wirey.
Well, Gerry. Did you enjoy the funeral?
He shrugged. Yeah. It was ok.
I didn’t like his tone. Jesus, Gerry, that doesn’t sound like you. If I recall right, you always enjoyed a good [...]