Brilliant New Service
Posted on Thursday, January 25, 2007Isn’t it terrible the way the Environment Fascists have taken over the country? These days, you can’t burn a pile of tyres in your garden any more. When you’re finished with your old three-piece suite, you can’t just take it down to the canal and toss it in, like we always used to in the old days. You can’t fling your old fridge over the Park railings for the Corporation to take it away. All the traditions of our old way of life are being stamped out by petty officialdom.
Well, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of little self-appointed Hitlers telling me not to fling my old car batteries in the river. Who the fuck do they think they are? I got a summons the other day, and what do you think it was for? You’re not going to believe this: it was simply for leaving three plastic sacks of rubbish on the pavement. They were neatly tied up, and I was careful to leave them beside a public bin. Christ, that really pissed me off, but in a way it was a blessing because I began to think, and I came up with yet another brilliant money-making scheme that’s going to make us all rich.
You see, it occurred to me that there’s one group in this country who didn’t bend the knee to all this stupid bureaucracy. One group who look upon these idiotic littering laws and say Pah! Zut!
I’m going to offer a service. If you have a pile of tyres to burn, or a cooker to throw away, or just a few bags of rubbish you want to leave on the pavement, you can log onto my new website and hire your own Personal Tinker. It’ll be like a personal shopper or a personal trainer, except he won’t go to Brown Thomas for you or help you to firm those abs. What he will do, however, is pile all your old rubbish in a big heap outside your house, on the footpath, and set fire to it, sending a huge black cloud of smoke over the whole town. He’ll also park outside your house for a few days and when he moves on he’ll leave those bags of rubbish by the side of the road for somebody else to clear up.
Obviously, nobody will prosecute him, and what’s even better, it’s a way of protecting his traditional way of life. On top of that, you get rid of all your old crap, so everyone’s a winner.
Brilliant or what?
Stumble it!
January 26th, 2007
Hmmph.
When the IllegallyParkedCaravan moved from the back of mine a few weeks back, it left a fierce amount of black rubbish bags behind it. The Council came and cleaned them away without so much as a grunt.
And when my Traveller neighbours moved out of their Council house, the Council came and took down their illegally-built shed (around 8×20ft) and took away the rubble without so much as a whimper.
And when…
January 26th, 2007
great bit of sideways thinking but why is there is there parking spaces for disabled,taxis loading spaces for trucks bikes motorbikes ect ect and not one for sulkies(i have a lot of whiskey drank)os excuse any errors in grammer or spelling
January 26th, 2007
Not to worry Bock. I took a run out the county roads in the hi-ace and fecked the rubbish out the door at sixty miles an hour( sorry 100 km).
January 26th, 2007
Hey,
Just wanted you to know that I started reading your blog after the bad review the idiots at I talk too much gave it. I saw a bit back, you were wondering what their own blogs were like? I don’t know any of the others, but Bitter Bitch’s blog, aka a very ugly, bitter housewife indeed, Donna, can be found at http://www.omfgwtfk.com/
And hey, if you want to give that link to friends, and have her see what it’s like to be on the receiving end of insults, I’m all for it. Good luck to you and thanks for giving the net something good to read for a change.
January 27th, 2007
Dang right. People have to have the right to throw their car batteries in the river next to their tire bonfire.
January 27th, 2007
Hey, anonymous. I’m going to break my rule here and reply to an anonymous post.
Isn’t it great that the braying donkeys at IT2M provided me with publicity and are therefore of some help to us humans?