iBullshit

I got one of those pocket computers recently and I hate it already. It’s called an iPAQ.

Tell me this: why does everything have to start or end with a small”i”?

iPod. iTunes. iPAQ. iPhone. GTi.

iFuckingHateThemAll.

This little fucker of a thing is supposed to do everything. It’s a phone. It’s a camera. It’s a computer. It’s a notebook. It’s a calendar. It’s a secretary in your pocket – which is not necessarily something you’d want to think about too much. I got it so that I could multitask, multimanage, and multimedially multidrive, but now I want to multidrink and multimurder harmless passers-by. I multi-fucking-hate this tiny piece of tech-knowledge. Can I multi-whatever? No, I can multi-fucking not!

I can barely answer a phone call with the little bastard. I can’t send texts. It won’t wake me up in the morning like my battered old Nokia did. If I want to use it properly, I’ll have to go on a two-year course at MIT, and that’s only for phone calls. It has a keyboard for multi-fingered micro-midgets and after two days trying, I gave up.

And then I thought (to myself)

Bock, don’t be such an old Luddite. Embrace the tech knowledge. Fear not, I thought, for it does have handwriting recognition.

I’ll try sending a text using handwriting recognition I thought to myself (as opposed to anyone else.)

So I summoned up Wrinkly Joe on my list of contacts. How’s it going there Joe old buddy? I jauntily dashed off. How do you like my new fancy gadget?

SEND.

The answer comes back:

What the fuck do you mean, 1 ton 5it goigthese, Jol olkodds, 7towdo hens fa as final glogtit?

Oh shit. Sorry, Joe. I’ll explain. It iaSit ul it was the leetwRitrg recagshon saffairn3j

Jesus, I fucking hate technology.

kick it on kick.ie

5 thoughts on “iBullshit

  1. I’ve only just got myself a mobile phone and it’s had me in tears at least twice. I prefer my gadgets to perform a single function well rather than a dozen badly but the moby still frightens me a bit. Only for emergencies methinks………

  2. Hey Bock,
    A while ago, you thought out loud about a new feature, Gabhal of the Week. We know you’ve plenty other fascinating things to speak to us about, but how ’bout draggin that back into the weekly regimen? This week, perhaps, the big winner could be Any Auld iFuckinGabhal. You know; somethin like that…

  3. Bock, Could you do a regular article on things people hate. I hate the fat bitch who stands in front of the quick lodge machine in the bank opposite the GAA grounds every Friday afternoon counting out fivers and lodging dem in forty different envelopes holding up the show. The queue to the quick lodge is longer than the queue to the counter. I hate the phuckin fat bitch…… you know who you are ya phuckin ol witch.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.