Latest on the Dutch lottery
Posted on Tuesday, January 23, 2007This is what I got back:
Attention:Bock Derobber,
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your e-mail, and to confirm the validity of the winning notification. You have been approved to receive the sum of 1,000,000.00 (ONE MILLION EUROS), as the new winner of our last Lottery. However, your funds are presently Lodged in the Escrow Account of the Central Bank of The Netherlands, and for you to recieve your winning, you are to open a new account with our Bank, so that your funds can be transferred from the Central Bank’s Account into an operational account you will open with us, for onward transfer into your choice of account in your country. For now,your funds will remain in the Automated Suspense account pending when we collect clearance from The Netherlands Gaming Board on your behalf, and you open a normal account with us to receive your funds from the Escrow Account of the Central Bank.
NOTE: Funds in a suspense account can neither be transferred nor deducted from until the holding bank (Laagste Bank in this instance) formally open a normal account for the funds beneficiary to receive it. After then, the funds can then be remitted to the beneficiary of the new account. These measures are standard financial regulations by European Central Bank (ECB) since the commencement of the global fight against terrorism and the enactment of the new anti-money laundry acts.
WE HAVE TWO TYPES OF (ACCOUNTS) : the ‘Premium Savings account’ and the Premium Current account’. With the Premium Savings Account you can transfer any amount from $100.00 - $100,000.00(One Hundred USDollar - One hundred thousand USDollars) per week, while the Premium Current Account will allow you transfer as much as $101,000.00 - $1,000,000.00 (One Hundred and One Thousand Dollars - One Million Dollars) per week.
Note: You must open one of these accounts to facilitate the transfer of your funds from the central bank’s automated suspense account for onward remittance to your account in your country. To proceed with this transaction therefore, you need to inform us of your choice of account so that we can furnish you with the basic requirements: Minimum Initial Deposit and the processing fees needed for the release of your funds from the Central Bank of The Netherlands. Also, we will send you the account opening forms/funds release orders, to fill and return to us within the next 24hrs.
We look forward to an enduring banking relationship with you.
Yours faithfully,
Edgar Von.
===========================
Obviously I want the money. What do you think I should do? Do you think I should deposit a million euros in this account? It all seems above board, so I probably will lodge the million euros in the next few days.
Here’s what I wrote back:
I do not have a bank account. All my money is in cash. I will bring a bag of cash to Holland: €50,000. This is a good plan as I need to hide some money. Please meet me at the airport. I will be using the name Festy McGonagall.
I will require the following when I arrive:
Two (2) Latvian hookers
A small dog
Please also arrange an armed bodyguard
Bock deRobber
I’m fascinated by this idea of an anti-money laundry. What exactly might that be, do you think? Didn’t the Man From UNCLE have to go through some kind of laundry to meet his boss? Maybe it’s CIA front to stamp out cash so that Mastercard can take over the world.
Stumble it!
January 23rd, 2007
Ah yes the old “Automated Suspense” ruse.
Bunch of Laangers!
January 23rd, 2007
I think you should open the bank account at once. Please send me your date of birth and your tax identity number, and I will do it for you.