Ratty old Chatty
Posted on Sunday, January 14, 2007The phone rang - an angry little buzz.
Hello? Bock speaking?
Fuck you! Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckoff!
I recognised at once the chainsaw snarl of my old friend, Miss Chatty.
Ah Chatty! How the hell are you - you haven’t called in ages.
Fuck you fuck you I’m a very fucking important person who the fuck do you think you are?
Really, Chatty? Tonight?
Don’t fuck with me or I’ll tear you a new asshole, mufukka!
OK. Say about nine?
Freakin fuckin fuck-fucker, you fuckin nobody. You’ll be sorry you fucked with me, fucker.
Fine. Fine. We can go for a meal first if that’s what you’d prefer. Say about eight? Luigi Malones?
Motherfucker bastard! You’re fuckin with IT2M now, shitface. We’ll fuckin break you.
Good God, Chatty, you’re full of surprises. I never knew you liked Indian food. How about the Eastern Tandoori?
Prick. Fuckin knuckle-dragger. Don’t you realise who you’re talking to? Fuckin fuck-fucker bastard-fuck. Fuck you!!
Great. Eastern Tandoori at eight then.
Fuck you!
Oh, and Chatty, just one thing. Would you promise not to fling your rattle at the waiter. We don’t want a repeat of the last time, do we?
Aaaaarrrgggghhh!!! Fuck yoooouuuu!!!!
Stumble it!
January 14th, 2007
Was this actually supposed to be funny? Or am I supposed to be offended? Please, let me know which emotion this was supposed to violently provoke so I may fly off the handle appropriately. Thanks! MWAH!
January 14th, 2007
Mmmmmmmm, people who are unable to show appropriate emotions without guidance, do not know how to respond to human communications / interactions may be suffering from A.S.D. (Autistic Spectrum Disorder).
January 14th, 2007
People who make posts that make absolutely no sense in attempts to provoke various emotions may be suffering from R.P.S.D.
just sayin… in 6 months you’re going to be all like “OMFG THAT MS (and it’s ms not miss) Chatty is such a wanker” and I’m going be all like “who.. what Irish person? Huh?”
January 15th, 2007
Ms Chatty, can I just say how god awful yr blog is. Oh, and the template sucks.
Do I get a job with you guys now?
January 15th, 2007
Bock a mhic, don’t let ‘Ms Chatty’ get you down, as a matter of fact, just ignore her. Unfortunately the web tends to attract people like her. If you’ve ever taken part in a forum for any length of time you will have come across a ‘Ms Chatty’. They are invariably unpleasant , snide and unremittingly argumentative. You cannot win an argument with them because, in their eyes, they are NEVER wrong. I could describe them as being as thick as plank with learning difficulties but that would be wrong. They usually seem to be of slightly-above-average intelligence , with an exceedingly large chip ,probably on each shoulder. Hiding behind a highly imaginative non-de-plume and a coffee stained keyboard, they wreak their revenge on the world of us mere mortals who are, obviously, inferior to them. It probably was her interface that was at fault, but you’ll never get her to admit it. Ignoring this sorry specimen is the only way you’ll win this one. Get back to the important things in life. You haven’t expressed any opinion on the Children’s Hospital fiasco. Perhaps you could fill in your brethren on the facts and give the HSE a roasting while you’re at it. And here’s a little joke to cheer us all up…
I watched ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ over the Christmas. I was told I’d need a box to tissues to get through it. I don’t know why ‘cos there wasn’t a single sex scene in it !!
January 15th, 2007
Thanks Joe. Acttually, I’m grateful for finding a real-life Cartman to laugh at.
I did the children’s hospital thing here:
http://bocktherobber.blogspot.com/2006/11/oh-sisters-of-mercy-they-are-not.html
But I might do it again - why not?
January 15th, 2007
Down with the ITV2 bashing! I love I’m A Celebrity reruns!
Oh, hold on a minute…
Yes, the swearing seems rather forced, doesn’t it? I’m thinking Americans?
January 15th, 2007
You’re a gas man bock.
And tell me: Is Luigi Malone’s a real restaurant?
January 15th, 2007
Zzzzzzz.
January 15th, 2007
Apologies, Bock, for using your comments to answer Ms. Chatty (that’s Ms. not ms please use punctuation, I’m shocked “Ms. I’m Perfect That’s How Come I Get To Criticise You Lot” - see, anyone can pick on anyone if they’re a picker!), but I haven’t a clue what she’s on about. She makes no sense - and she said that YOU made no sense…..
That’s my final word on her….. until I submit my blog to her - I will yeah!!!!!
January 15th, 2007
Oh, answer away, Mairéad. As you can see from all the replies, the horrible old harridan is now an avid reader of this blog.
January 15th, 2007
That’s some avatar she has going on.
January 15th, 2007
Kav: Sorry, I forgot to answer you. Yeah, Luigi Malone’s is a very nice restaurant in Limerick.
I just made up the Eastern Tandoori.
January 17th, 2007
Ah jaysis isn’t dah ms chatty a righ CUNTO… why doesnt she jus feck off ta bebo r my space..???
January 27th, 2007
She’s just mad because she didn’t think of your idea first.
She is not a nice person - I should know. She got me too.
I’ll e-mail you more about it some time.
January 27th, 2007
Ellen,
Believe me, there will be many more stories about Horrible Old Chatty on this blog before we’re finished. Look out for the inter-species-sex episode.
They can only give me a bad review once - and even that’s good as it just boosts my ratings. I, on the other hand, can poke fun at the sad bastards forever. And I will.
January 29th, 2007
inter species sex?
wooow…i’m likin’ this.