I don’t watch the Big Brother show, but it would be impossible to miss the controversy that’s going on at the moment over the behaviour of some participants. India is outraged at some comments which seem to be racist, though I didn’t hear them myself. People are burning effigies on the street. (By the way, what is it with India and effigies? I wonder if I opened a chain of effigy shops across India and Pakistan, would they be a success? I’d say they’d make a fortune for me).
I have to confess, to my embarrassment, I never heard of Shilpa Shetty until this evening. Shame on me. But even further shame on me for knowing who Jade Goody is.
There couldn’t be a greater contrast between two human beings. Shilpa is beautiful, gracious,well-mannered and educated. Jade is a fat, ignorant, foul-mouthed, illiterate thug.
The Big Brother organisation has brought the two together on one unreality tv show, and both are showing their true colours. Shilpa is reasonable, patient, conciliatory and courteous. Jade is loud, aggressive and stupid. Unfortunately, it seems that Jade and two other shaved apes have been doing their best to make Shilpa’s life miserable, and you can only presume it’s because, when they look at Shilpa, they see everything they themselves are not.
I’m getting very tired of this glorification of the underclass, I really am. Who? No, I’m not talking about the poor people. I’m referring to the know-nothing fools who shout their way through our day-to-day lives, spitting chewing gum on the footpaths, writing their stupid names on bus seats – BeyoncÃ© luvs Wayne – leaving their beer tins in our doorways and their rubbish bags full of frozen-dinner-wrappers in our streets after dark for somebody else to take away because they’re too fucking lazy or too fucking stingy to pay or too fucking stupid. The gobshites in little Toyota fucking Starlets with a gigantic boom-box I can hear four blocks away, and an even bigger fucking exhaust pipe I can hear in the next county. That’s what I’m talking about. A bunch of useless empty-headed pricks swaggering around our towns, filthying everything they touch.
Jade Goody is just their representative on tv at the moment, but nevertheless is a good enough picture of what we’re dealing with. The Brits call them chavs, and over there they have it a bit worse than we do at the moment, though that too is changing. I think the reason is simple. In previous centuries, the Brits had a war every twenty years or so, and slaughtered these fuckers by the thousands, but lately two things have happened. They’re having fewer wars and they’ve started insisting that their soldiers should be able to read. This is obviously a disastrous policy, keeping all these stupid chavs out of harm’s way, when really they’ve been bred to walk into a hail of bullets. It’s all they know. As for our own home-grown chavs here in Ireland, I think they’re the descendants of the scum the Brits drafted into their armies in the good old days. I think they’re descended from the scum the Brits placed in garrison towns like Limerick and Cork and Athlone and Dublin. I think they were born with the savage-stupid gene: the ideal combination for the Khyber Pass, but not so great for the streets of your home town.
Anyway, Shilpa needn’t worry. These under-evolved fools are the real losers. In fact, they were born losers.