Training a dog

That’s a remarkably well-trained hound you have there, Bock.

It was Jim, my neighbour.

Bock, if you don’t mind my asking, what training method did you use? I’ve never seen such obedience.

Not at all, Jim, I replied. I use the carrot-and-stick method. When he behaves himself, I throw a stick for him, and when he doesn’t, I shove a carrot up his arse.

kick it on

3 replies on “Training a dog”

Reminds me of a weekend in wesht clare where we were on one of the last stag parties.

We had come across the Shannon on the ferry and were driving up through Kilrush at just about mass time or barely after it and lo and behold both sides of the street had the usual line of parked cars. We just happened to be cruising up the main road heading towards the next pint in Lisdoonvarna when ure typical farmer pulls up in the middle of the street, his wife gets out and goes into the shop presumably for black puddins or milk or the Lotto or summat.

Yer man is stalled perfectly in the centre of the road with both sides of the street blocked and ourselves directly behind him.
Me (the only sober body) driving and my little bruvver in the passenger side (His car, seven or eight pints, you know the story), finally after about ten minutes behind the car we eventually got enough of a space to cross over the other side of the stret to get around this gobshite. My little brother rolls down the window just as we pass the offending vehicle, the driver of which had his arm resting on the door with the window open. The two boys were face to face and all of the other four of us in our car were dreading what was about to happen, my brother being noted for his short temper. He leans over face to face with the driver and when he gets within six inches of yer mans head he finally screams

“You wouldn’t drive a greasy shtick up a dogs hole…..”

Aaaaahh such are the things that will keep me amused when I’m being spoonfed Custard in a nursing home somewhere auld stock…… Minds you I was choking for ten minutes after that one…

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