Bertie Ahern – Scientist, Accountant and Statesman

I see that Bertie is still adamant we won’t ever use nuclear power. Ever.

That’s because Bertie is a nuclear scientist and he knows all the ins and outs of nuclear power. The same as he used his deep knowledge of computer security to call us all Luddites when we questioned the e-voting machines.

Bertie went to the London School of Economics, as he reminded us on his CV, and he’s also an accountant, as he reminds us every chance he gets. Or was it ? – wait a minute, I remember now. Bertie once went to the LSE but it was to collect a secondhand bike from his mate, and he’s actually a book-keeper who once worked for the Mercy nuns at the Mater but never as an actual accountant anywhere, ever. At all. Ever. Because he’s not qualified to be an accountant and it would be illegal to practise as one. Anyway, what sort of accountant would sign dozens of blank cheques and hand them to the crookedest politician this country has ever known?

That would be pretty much the same level of qualifications he has to hold an opinion on the safety of the data in the electronic voting machines: none. It didn’t stop the arrogant git from lecturing and belittling and denouncing anyone with the temerity to question the decision by that fool Cullen to install the ridiculous things at enormous cost.

And now, here we have Bertie, Renaissance man, suddenly displaying an unsuspected knowledge of physics and nuclear engineering to declare from within his heart, like Dev, that we’ll never use nuclear power. It reminds me of old Todd Andrews who decided that our rail system should never be used again, by his own or any future generation and therefore destroyed the network for good, lest a politician fifty years hence might have the gall to question his infinite wisdom.

Bertie has said this before, and we were all stunned at his immovable certainty, but at least we thought someone would draw him aside and advise him.

Bertie, somebody would tell him, that’s not the way of science. Bertie, never say never. Only mad old priests are as absolute as that.

No. It seems not.

It won’t stop us importing electricity from those wicked old Brits though, and them with their rotten old nuclear power stations and everything. Now what does that remind you of?


Bertie Ahern 2
The Friends of Bertie

12 thoughts on “Bertie Ahern – Scientist, Accountant and Statesman

  1. Oh yes, Bock, at least 12-odd years ago I put this issue to the ever petite Shamey Brennan… how, I deferentially asked, might the esb cables be kept free of this foul-half-life-forever-polluting-power-source? Especially after we’d be buying it in from suppliers across the pond who owned several types of power generation plant?
    The possibility hadn’t occurred to him, his brain being a nucleus-free zone.

  2. Indeed Conan, though I might not personally be as against the idea as you. Nevertheless, we need non-fools making the decision one way or the other.

  3. My first job involved putting together a nice glossy version of Bertie’s CV for the EU. In the printed world only Harry Potter rivals as a greater work of fiction.

  4. Sweary, everyone knows that PS was based on a true story taken from Woman’s Way Mar. 1982.

  5. I never knew about Bartie’s ficticious qualification, Bock!!! It explains a lot to me though, like how he employed an internet PhD personage, remember. Sure he was one of the boyzzzzzzzzzz.

  6. Gabhal – Now there’s a wonderful word I haven’t heard in bleams. Thanks for reminding me, Bock.


    Where as obvious hardship is being created and endured by breakdown of relationships it is time in recognition of such hardship that the tax system be amended appropriately


    Where as an individual, excepting bodies corporate, partnerships, having such expenses in life to defray, following the effective ending of a relationship, which involved a married union, shall be subject to the contnts of the following sections, be eligable to the following reliefs:

    1.1 Full exemption from Benifit in Kind tax associated with any funds, given by way of loan, or by way of funds though by the doner or donee to be a loan regardless of the term of the loan

    1.2 The Donee may elect during the life of the loan to convert the loan to a gift.

    1.3 The Donee must recieve the good will funding within 10 years of the breakdown or actual separation agreement or divorce

    1.4 The Donee must Not solicit the Goodwill funding from the providers of the funding

    1.5 The providers of the goodwill funding must be friends of the donee and must all spontainously appreciate the need of the donee for the funding without the knowledge of the donee

    1.6 The Good Will funding will be transfered by way of legal tender only

    1.7 The proposed relief to be made available to a maximum threshold of 100 times the annual Oldage pension

    1.8 a ceiling on the eligable goodwill funding to apply up to 50% of the value of cash savings held on deposit in a safe, attic, hole in the wall, under the carpet, or other suitable place of deposit, other than a bank or mutual society.


    In the fullness of time history will judge Bertie to be one of our Greatest Taoiseachs

    His leadership and self sacrifice demonstrated, in self led private innovative, war on inflation, could show the way forward, for the Germans and all of Europe, particularly as the dreaded inflation, is again the Enemy at the gate of Europe, threatening to make our mortgages less affordable.

    By saving in the save and keeping money out of the banking system, or out of circulation, this showed how the money supply could be restricted, restricting the effect of too much cast chasing too few goods, hence controlling inflation.

    In doing so he was happy to forego the considerable interest st the time, and was modest about his war on inflation to boot.
    Very mush in the tradition of “they weighed so litely what they gave”.

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