Ryanair : the low-standards airline.

Well, so much for our weekend in Scunthorpe.

Yeah, they checked us in at Dublin Airport no problem, so we headed off to the bar for a quick drink, feeling really good about this hassle-free experience. Half an hour later, we’re in past security, gawping at a monitor that says cancelled.

What? Cancelled.

Why? Very simple: fog at Dublin Airport.

Now, I’m not an experienced pilot, and neither are the Wrinklies. I know nothing about airports, or airlines, or how a jet takes off. Same goes for the other two. But one thing we were all agreed on: we’re not fucking blind. Despite the fog in the morning, we were now looking out at a beautiful, crisp, sunny Spring day. No fog.

So what do you reckon this is about? I don’t know, and I wouldn’t like to cast aspersions on Michael O’Leary, so therefore I’m not suggesting that it has anything to do with the reports earlier in the week. You know the ones I mean, where Ryanair were criticised for landing in the fog at British airports.

It couldn’t possibly be that O’Leary said, Fuck ’em then. We’ll cancel a few flights on beautiful sunny days, just to make fools out of them.

Of course it couldn’t. After all, that would mean that Ryanair couldn’t give a shit about their customers. And for the same reason, it couldn’t be because they lost some lucrative flights earlier in the day due to fog, and to make money they had to cancel the flights of bums like us.

Certainly not.

Ryanair. The no-care airline.

Of course, the other effect it had on us was that we had to go back to the bar. To regroup and gather our wits. And have six more pints. It’s the first time I ever went to an airport to get drunk.

25 thoughts on “Ryanair : the low-standards airline.

  1. Well done on the shortlist Bock. Devin reckons I’ll have to take you in hand and make sure you look the part up there!! I was thinking that we should get Off the rails to do a special on you and me and Celia could go head to head on that “Beat the Stylist” program, what do you think??

  2. Thanks Dave.

    Maz, the problem is how to remain an international man of mystery. I might have to send a representative.

  3. I have a strong dislike for Airlines. Unfortunately, due to living abroad, I made a rod for my own back and have no choice but to use them if I want to go home to visit. This makes it all the worse. They have me by the balls, they can treat me like shit and I have to keep going back for more. It’s little comfort mate, but it was probably raining in Scunthorpe anyway.

  4. Congrats on the shortlist Bock, well done.

    Ryanair are, and have always been, cunts of the highest order. I have had so many run-ins with them that this post would turn into a novel if I started, so I’m shutting up now.

  5. Eddie: they’re cunts, but Scunthorpe won and all the others lost. That puts the Scunts top of the table. Woo hoo! And we got hammered in Dublin instead.

    Kav: My man, they are serious cunts. Fucking, fucking, fucking bastard cunts. Thank you for the advice on the anti-cunt software.

  6. For many years I so detested everything that RyanAir did that when going to Liverpool from Dublin for weekends I refused to fly and would go via ferry and trains.

    Sadly since moving to the US I’ve let my principles slip a little on visits home.

    But anyway, bockety Bock, don’t talk Bock – I’m extremely pleased at your shortlisting. Although I voted for ya in another category, you were actually my number two in the category you made it into. Alas, no Single Transferable Vote, or, because of Damien, no Multiple Transferable Vote either.

    And you did it without asking those crazy American girls to vote for you! Superb stuff!

  7. Eolaí: Thank you for the kind word. By the way, who are these crazy American girls of whom you speak?

  8. Well, you should at least be able to get a refund for the flight, right? I know that’s not much consolation though…

    Also, for future reference, if you don’t fly – even if you don’t cancel or whatever – you can ALWAYS claim your taxes/airport charges back, which is what makes up a fair amount of the price of a budget airline ticket. Some of the cunts charge an admin fee to get it back, but they can’t actually withhold the money.

    I used to work in the refunds department of a non-refundable airline. I know these things. I knew one of my jobs would come in useful one day…

  9. Bastards they are.Can you give me your (supposed)date of travel? I’ll take a gander at the weather reports for the day and see how big their lie was.

  10. Badgerdaddy: good information from you

    Devin: Certainly. We were supposed to fly last Saturday at 12 noon. There was fog in Dublin until about 10.30 am and then it cleared away completely.

  11. Right then,according to the METARS (fancy pilot weather report) the fog cleared between 1100 and 1130 and was well above visual flight rules(VFR) minimums for the rest of the day.
    On the other side Heathrow was VFR all day as was Gatwick.
    Stanstead had some fog but was VFR at 1020.
    There might have been some delays but no real excuse for scrapping the flight.
    Unless the pilots were cabbaged that is.

  12. The only way to get back at Mick is not to fly with them. Flights booked with decent airlines usually work out cheaper in the long run and even if they don’t its only a matter of time until ryanair shaft you.

  13. I have never flown Ryanair and I never shall fly Ryanair. There was a story recently of a lady who was not quick enough through the boarding crush . As a result she was left with the last seat on the aircraft . Someone on the previous flight had vomited at the foot of the seat. She complained to a Stewart and was told “well what do you expect from a low cost airline?” Mick is thinking of fitting pay per use on the toilets! The next extra shall no doubt be a charge for wearing clothes. Ryanair is indeed a cheap airline in every meaning of the word cheap.

  14. Ryanair provide an airborne bus service, with (usually) fares to match. If it wasn’t for Mick most of us would never get off this green idyllic isle of ours. I remember when Aer Lingus charged GB£300 for London- Shannon, Ryanair air charges approx €50 depending on when you book. He employs 000s, pays his taxes in Ireland, unlike Bono and pals, yet is villified. In dozens of flights I have never been delayed let alone cancelled, maybe I’m lucky. Gary, before you repeat unban myths go and sample the product. I don’t work for Mick or have shares in Ryanair.

  15. No.8 I do not need to stick my hand in a fire to find it burns. It is great and good to find that you think of Mick as the saviour of the world. Furthermore it is good that to date you have apparently not ended up on a R.A.F. base in Northern Ireland and waiting several hours for someone to bring some steps to get you off the plain. As to the “urban myth “ of the lady in vomit I heard her recount the tale on RTE1 Joe Duffy some time ago. I hope that yourself and Raynair have many years together .

  16. And if people told you that there was gold in them thar hills, you’d be off will shovel & pick, yeah right. I have not ended up in an RAF base in NI with any airline, have you? Joe Duffy, that purveyor all things factual, carried a story about vomit in a plane and you believed him. I use Ryanair regularly, you have never used them. Whose evidence would be deemed more credible? A regular customer or a stay at home Joe Duffy fan?

  17. Ryanair did land in an airforce base outside Derry. Do you not remember that?

    Anyway, guys, what’s with all the sniping?

  18. Speaking of Airfields. Let’s not forget Aer Lingus transferred the old Shannon-Heathrow slots to an RAF base in Belfast….Aldergrove!

    At least O’Leary allows us to get of this island from our own airport, unlike that subsidised for decades shower who couldn’t wait to cut and run out of here once their monopoly ended.

  19. Bock havening corrected my spelling in an “other house” No8 seems to have taken on the role of defender of Mick and Raynair. I have no intention of indulging in “Flaming” with No8 or anyone else. It seems that is not the case with No8. I have never flown Raynair and I never shall.

  20. Gary for the record, I asked you to sample the product before spreading urban myths. You responded that I held Mick up as the saviour of the world. Then you repeated two more anecdotes that you have heard re Ryanair,1 is true.Why have you such passion for a service that you have never used and never will? So who is flaming?

  21. No8 point taken I trust that you ,Mick, and Raynair shall live a long and happy life together .

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