Flirty: I’ll burn an effigy of the Bank of Ireland for you.

Sam: Of course there would. You could even have your own George Clooney effigy that you wouldn’t have to burn at all if you didn’t want to.

Will there be purely recreational non-rally effigies available? You know, like for back-yard barbecues.

Sandra and James would love it if you could come to help them burn the boss on Saturday at around 4pm. BYOB (wine and petrol.)

Bock, you’re a genius!

Kathy: start worrying again, mate. There’s about nine or ten actual Paddies on the team. There’s even an Irish guy playing for England!

Knudsen: I take it you mean Las Malvinas? They have a Knudsen statue there which they ritually shag once a year.

Mr Sneeze: I’ll put my researchers on it right away.

So I’m out to dinner the other night and the Ozzies are all saying to me… “you must be really happy with the sports at the weekend mate” I start talking about the rugby…. everyone looks very confused.. “Naw mate were talking bout the Cricket” Ireland plays cricket?? I don’t f’n think so? I had heard on the news that Ireland had one but thought it was my post paddys day post day hangover…. But hey no worries mate in the end it turns out I’m kinda right… they have an ozzy captain and Pommie (Ozzie word for English wanker) players too.. phew…. thought I was going mental there for a while… I remember playing rounders in school but can’t remember them having a cricket team??????

Put meself and Sweary down for a Michael McDowell one.

Any chance you’d have one which would burn when doused with cheap cooking oil? Petrol’s gone up again.