Off again

I had just fired my final Magnum 44 round at the last surviving critter and drained the last of the Wild Turkey when the phone rang.

ring ring ring crash!


How’s it goin Boss?

It was the Great Zucchini.

Do you want to go to Wales?


Wales. Do you want to go?

Yeah. It’s nice there. I might go some time.

No Bock. You’re not understanding me. Do you want to go to Wales?

I was beginning to sober up. Apart from anything else, it isn’t easy to sit stark naked on your patio in March, in the Irish climate, even if you are full of Wild Turkey and brown acid. Even if you’re oscillating gently in your rocking chair and firing occasional revolver rounds at your stupid neighbour. Blam! Blam!

Wales? I repeated. You mean – ?

Yeah. Zucchini said. That’s exactly what I mean.


Munster, he confirmed. It’s all arranged. You, me and four of the boys. In an eight-seater. On the ferry. Two nights in Wales.

Um, great, I managed. Count me in.

OK, Zucchini went on. What I want to know is this. Munster play Llanelli on the Friday night. How do you feel about goin to see Cardiff playing Sunderland on the Saturday? We got tickets.

Um, I said. Let me think about it.

10 thoughts on “Off again

  1. It’s Whales you’re heading for Bock, according to a famous Buddha who once seriously told us that he had been offered a contract with Glamorgan mining and proud singers RFC . ( OK it might’s have been that one , but there was a valley ) . The Sunderland thing has proven to be a wonderful diversion whilst I wait impatiently to put on my shorts and throw off the winter coat. Young Cohen never stroked the the fuzzy stuff at the beck of my neck ( metaphorically of course ), and I’m too melancholic to start now, so I guess that makes me a Palestine on this site, but I do feel as if I’ve missed out


    Look this is embarrasing, no I tell a lie, I’m not fucking embarrased, I’m just fucking thick . I can figure out how to get a sexy handle like the rest of ye so help please and no slaggin.

  2. I’ve wondered what hard liquor and hillucinagenics were like as a cocktail.

    You seem to be a fan Bock, any advice??

  3. When abroad you must be 100 times more Irish than normal. That’s just the way. It’s expected of you. Don’t disappoint the poor Welsh, they have such a dull time of it.
    Ever seen a kilted scotsman playing bagpipes at just about every airport you’ve ever been in?
    Thought so.
    Ever seen one in Scotland?

    Me neither.

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day wherever you end up.

  4. Oh man. I just guffawed. At my desk. At work. Thanks for getting me into trouble.

    That’s some funny stuff.

  5. And The Great Zucchini waved his staff and *Kaboom….* lo the green and white tickets with silver hologram appeared (Not from the Munster Allocation mund you), and again he waved his staff and *Kaboom….* and there was a second set for the following day, whereupon he turned his golden eyes with the hourglass shaped pupils towards the east and said “Are they for the Sunderland or the Cardiff side of the ground????”

  6. Mikell: just go to and follow the instructions

    Maroon: Like, thanks man. We’ll try to be nice to the Welsh and leave all our money behind us.

    Niall: Ah no. I stick with the Wild Turkey and mescaline. I can leap onto tall mountains and I can become any animal I choose, except Mary Harney.

    Sassy: We wouldn’t want you geting fired now. No funny posts for a week.

    Mr Great: Well? Are they?

  7. The gods of magic have not answered mine question dear Bockster……..

    Mind you the fact that the question was asked raises a different matter entirely……..Especially when the Rugby tickets are from the welsh allocation, and nary a shite did I give…

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