Pakistan vs Ireland

Well, it’s hard to know where to go from here. You see, originally I was going to write about the reaction in Pakistan to the defeat of their cricket team by Ireland, but in the circumstances that seems a bit insensitive. After all, a man has died and despite what you might hear about me, I’m not a complete monster.

Ok. Explanations are necessary for our transatlantic cousins. These days I’m conscious that – for whatever reason – Bock seems to have developed a substantial American readership. God knows why this is. Perhaps they recognise a fellow lunatic. A future president. No really, I’m not going to invade anywhere, I promise, but the reason I mention it is simply because of the need to explain.

So. For our American readers, here’s what’s going on. Ireland are in the Cricket World Cup. You didn’t know that? Good. Neither did I until yesterday. You’ll have gathered that cricket is not a majority sport in Ireland. Neither is [tag]rugby[/tag], except in Munster, and especially here in Limerick where it isn’t so much a [tag]sport[/tag] as a religion. Everywhere else in Ireland, rugby is a form of ritual followed by the more successful thieving classes who can afford to send their children to private schools. Thus we have a ready-made class divide. Dublin middle-class gobshites versus Limerick working-class thugs who win everything and are much better at rugby. Hahahahahaha.

Enough puerile sneering. Ireland are in the cricket world cup, and yesterday they beat Pakistan.

Now, how could I make a comparison? Well, it’s like Jamaica winning the skiing competition. It’s like Saudi Arabia winning the cross-country race. It’s like Mexico winning the World Series. Well, it isn’t but you know what I mean. It’s like Ireland beating Pakistan. In rugby terms, it’s like Pakistan beating Ireland. It’s ridiculous.

People who never heard of cricket are so excited by this that they’re saying things like Really?

Now, all this would have been great – especially on a day when we should have, but didn’t, win the six nations, except for the awful news today, that the Pakistan coach died. Appalling news, and we don’t have the full details yet, but it takes much of the gloss off the victory.

What I was originally going to write about was the reaction in Pakistan to the defeat. I thought it was great that they came out on the streets burning effigies and demanding the execution of the team captain and the management. Great, I said. that’s the kind of spirit we need in Ireland. Fuck it, if we had that kind of support for our soccer team, we wouldn’t be hammered by the likes of Cyprus, for fucksake. But then, when I heard that a man had actually died as a result of all the maledictions, I began to revise my view.

I began to think, what if? The thought occurred to me, how could we build a following in Pakistan? It just seems obvious to me that this is the future of Irish soccer. I mean, what a great thing it would be if, every time we get beaten by some unknown tiny European island team of barbers and postmen, our supporters would start to focus. And they would beam evil thoughts at the Football Association of Ireland. And the FAI would all drop dead.


kick it on

8 thoughts on “Pakistan vs Ireland

  1. A couple of things oh Bockperson…Where does Barnhall fit in to your view of the Great National Rugby divide? And while I am at it how did Eric get nine months ban and the great Trevor is banned for life..on the cricket thing ..of course I have always been a big fan of the sound of leather on willow but thats neither here nor there, well done to OUR lads but really..was there any need to kill the coach..that to me was a little too Hibernian.

  2. “hear hear” re : FAI. I definitely think it would take some kind of telekenesis to wrest Delaney & co from Merrion Square at this stage. Running in and pouring petrol everywhere sure didn’t work!

    And there was I frantically searching for an analogy to describe te significance of Ireland’s win, and you found it. Like Pakistan beating Ireland at rugby. Pure genius.

    OK, now I’ll have to call you a bollix so you don’t get a big head from this comment.

    Ya bollix.

  3. On Trevor Brennan: It isn’t where Barnhall fits into my view. Here’s what Zucchini said in reply to another post:

    I have been present when he played for Leinster against Munster and the abuse that he got from his own supporters was actually a lot worse than anything we could throw at him. Saying things along the lines of “Go back to your working class roots Brennan where you belong” were hurled at him by a crowd of D4 gobshites one night in T.P. fuckit did they not know where they were for fucks sake.

    Trevor got the lifeteime ban because these kind of fuckwits hate him and because the likes of Syd Millar find his very existence distasteful.

    Mr Pagano: I have great hopes for this plan. Tell every Muslim you meet. Go to your local mosque and stir up soccer fever.

  4. Mr Bock

    I believe, Sir, you may have hit upon the answer to the Terrific Great Terror of Terrorism which, as you know, is terrorizing us all. At least, so Messrs Bush & Blair, the Laurel & Hardy of international relations, would persuade us. Entice those Arab gentlemen into the zealous pursuit of Association Football: wherepon philadelphous peace & order will descend upon the world. An exception will be found in those stadia where games between the Saracens are in progress: there, instead of coarse chants & the clack of rattles, we may expect to hear the report of AK-47 assault rifles & of rocket-propelled grenades; ’twill be none the worse for that.

    I am, Sir, &c.

    Sam. Johnson

  5. Re. the Barnhall point is that your simplistic view of The D 4 Assholes versus THe Munster wonderful people conveniently dismisses The Barnhalls, Carlows, Connemaras etc in this great rugby nation of ours. I am not surprised what the pricks call him but there is a world out there beyond your narrow vision.

  6. Re: Barnhall etc.

    Doan ferget the likes of Corca Dhuibhne down thar near Daingean or whatever it’s called now, Bruff out in the middle of nowhere churning out a number of Div. 1 captains, and of course “De Bull”,Look Trev was a dacent tough hard rugby player of the old school. If he had been on the pitch on the Evening of the Garlic V’s Shamrock match there would have been someone clocked with 60 seconds to go, a penalty given and that would have been the end of it, we’d have the grand slam in our arse pocket. You can be sure if it was the other way around that’s what would have happened. Those French are bloody notorious for it for god’s sake. Despite the improvement we’re still a little green by nature.

    My point is that when it comes to Rugby there is a stupid social divide in this country where it’s D4 against the rest and Only Warren Gatland brought some of it to a close. The Claw and Woody described the training session before an international against Scotland as blood trench warfare with the last men standing getting their places on the pitch against the scots. That was the start of the influx of players being picked for their strengths not because of what club they came from. But only the start.

    However there is still a major problem within the IRFU itself with all but one of the current major players from D4. Until we change things from the top down all others not from Dublin will be classed as second class citizens in rugby terms.

  7. dunno fuckall about cricket but it was in OUR newspaper here in my little town in georgia…who knew??? damn, now i need to find the article for all ya’ll…did i already post the bit about st pat’s day here?
    my town

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.