I see our government has decided to go to the country.
Great. Time to start torturing those political reptiles that call to your door once every four years. After all, even if you didn’t disagree with their policies, it’s very hard to like a heavily-sweating man in a bad suit with a gigantic belly [...]
. . . where he can get nickel-coated ball-end mandolin strings.
Any suggestions?
Well, we went to see I’m Your Man tonight, and I have to tell you I enjoyed almost every second of it.
Almost, Bock? Why not every single second?
Oh, that’s simple. I can answer that in one word: Bono.
Was there ever such a pretentious, self-obsessed, insincere twat as Bono? Is there a single [...]
It’s official. As of yesterday, not only are Scunthorpe going to be promoted to the Championship, but they go up as winners of League One.
What do you make of that? The Wrinklies are in confusion, as I am myself, and though we’re all agreed that while it will be great to see Scunthorpe [...]
I must show you something, said Wrinkly Paddy and leapt up from his chair.
Look at this! he exclaimed, pulling something out of a bag. I got it last week.
I reached out and took it. It’s a guitar, I told him. A very small electric guitar. A child’s electric guitar, in fact.
With [...]
cinl
See?
And they laughed at me for being such a big fan of Stargate! Ha! I bet they’re sniggering on the other side of their faces now that scientists have discovered an earth-like planet only 50 million light-years away, orbiting the Sol-like star, Mu Arae.
See? See??
Ha!
I suspect this discovery is more significant than the scientists realise. [...]
Thanks a million.
It’s such an insipid insincere expression, isn’t it?
Thanks a million. Like a horrible verbal air-kiss.
Mwuh!
I never say thanks a million, though I might say thanks a hundred. Or maybe thanks eight.
Thanks ax2+by2+c.
Thanks a parabola.
Thanks a huge enormous biggest ever in the whole world hyperbola.
Thanks haemorrhoids.
Thanks a heart attack.
Thanks [...]
It’s very difficult to own a dog. Very. It’s hard. Dogs demand a great amount from their owners, and anyone who tries to tell you that pets lower your blood pressure should be shot down in the street like a – well, like a dog.
I have, as you probably know, two [...]