My Dog, Satan

 Posted by on April 23, 2007  Add comments
Apr 232007
 

It’s very difficult to own a dog. Very. It’s hard. Dogs demand a great amount from their owners, and anyone who tries to tell you that pets lower your blood pressure should be shot down in the street like a – well, like a dog.

I have, as you probably know, two dogs. Satan and Dermot.

Dermot is a fool. A dimwit who follows any passing pedestrian. A cretin. A moron. A half-wit.

Satan is rather different.

Jimbo and I went for a walk with our collective doggery yesterday, down around Plassey and the University area. It’s our favourite walk because it’s nice to stroll beside the beautiful River Shannon, especially in the wonderful weather we’ve been having lately. It takes about an hour, which isn’t a huge burden and what’s more, we get a bit of exercise too. The dogs get to run through the fields and chase creatures into bushes. Occasionally, Satan gets to kill something, but it’s usually something you’d want killed anyway, so we don’t mind too much.

The University is building an amazing footbridge across the Shannon – did I mention that before? An astonishing elevated thing that meanders among the islands on the river and connects the Limerick side of the campus with the Clare side. Wonderful. I’ve always loved that part of the Shannon. We used to swim there as kids, and paddle flat-bottomed boats down the river. You can still sit on the bank and wait for the trout and salmon to jump in the evening.
It’s lovely, and guess what? Who do you think is building the bridge? Eiffel!! That’s who. The same people who built that tower over there in Franceland.

Won’t it be nice? Anyway, that isn’t what I started to talk about. What I started to talk about was dogs. During our walk by the River Shannon, Jimbo looked around and said

One . . . Two . . . eh, Three?

Eh, no, actually. No Dermot. Why not? Very simple: Dermot gone. Dermot wandered off because Dermot completely stupid, and therefore we spend another thirty minutes driving around looking for the completely dense, incompetent, but very friendly and cute Dermot. We found him at last, following – what else? – two old men and a little grand-daughter walking their dogs.

We pulled up beside them, and I leaned out the window.

Jesus, thanks lads. I’m very-

That was as far as I got before Satan jumped past me out the window and savaged both of the poor old men’s mutts and a little timid creature led by the screaming child. We left in a cloud of smoke with the old men shaking their fists at us and the little girl giving a statement to the University security people.

Satan is a problem.

  10 Responses to “My Dog, Satan”

Comments (10)
  1.  

    Now I have a name . Normally I just peddle like fuck and scatter, ending up in oxygen dept 100 yards away from the hairy mutt who ambushed me. But now I know his name and it sounds right. Didn’t he also have a starring role in the Omen ?

    No love for the AIL, Bock ? For fifteen pleasant moments last Saturday, we were there, grasping top-four-ness with an injury time bonus point try, and a Dolphin fucker asked me knowingly if “I sure that we were there”, and I was too happy to see the sneer. So Shannon go the Pollock holes early this year but I suppose, they owe us nothing.

  2.  

    Hey Bock, set up your RSS to point to http://WWW.BOCKTHEROBBER.COM, will you? That way I can keep up with your crazy shenanigans.

  3.  

    To do it, log in to feedburner and enter your http://WWW.BOCKTHEROBBER.COM address. Then copy whatever feedburner spits out at you and use that as your RSS feed.

    (As if you didn’t know.)

  4.  

    Have you tried prefacing your commands with “Christ compels thee”?

  5.  

    I would have thought those who built the Eiffel tower would be getting on in years as construction is a young man’s game, good on them, nice strong backs.

  6.  

    Bock, sorry, didn’t get to respond to you last night for reasons too confidential to the security of the nation to be shared on a blog, but have a gawk at Conor’s site here for some tips about RSS.

    The easiest way to find your RSS info is to log in to your new wordpress account and find the RSS feed for your new blog. It will be something like “http://bocktherobber.wordpress.com/feed/”. It’s this link that people with readers need so we can keep up to date.

    You can also set up your feed using feedburner, but for now, the easiest way is to get the feed direct from your new site. (In my opinion.)

    I know you prob think it’s all a load of shite, but you will cut off a significant amount of your readership if you don’t use feeds on your site. It’s up to you.

  7.  

    S&C: No, the AIL is great. I just haven’t time to cover everything. It was about time Shannon let someone else win it.

    Kav: Thanks for the advice. I’ve instructed my boffins to look after it. They’d better or they’ll live to regret it.

    Loucifer: No. He’d kill me.

    Knudsen: Happy> What’s this happy shit? Are you turning into Ian Paisley?

  8.  

    I think your problem is just one of low expectations. By calling him Satan, his self esteem is harmed and he will react by trying to live down to his name to show you how bad he canreally be, seeing as how you already think that’s he’s a (weep, sob) beast of the Pit.

    Poor wee soul. Maybe if you called him something rather lovely like Dileas or Licky or Colin or something, he’d be a whole new dog.

  9.  

    changed the link to you on my blog, sugar!

  10.  

    Sam,: He might be a whole new dog, but what about the crowd with the flaming torches outside my house?

    Savannah: Thank you kindly

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