Paddy’s Mandocaster

I must show you something, said Wrinkly Paddy and leapt up from his chair.

Look at this! he exclaimed, pulling something out of a bag. I got it last week.

I reached out and took it. It’s a guitar, I told him. A very small electric guitar. A child’s electric guitar, in fact.

With that, I handed it back to him, grinning smugly.

Look again, said Paddy, holding the instrument out to me.

On closer inspection, though it certainly seemed to be an unfeasibly small electric guitar, I noticed something not often found on guitars: it had four pairs of strings.

Good God, man! I ejaculated. Is it – ? It’s not a – ?

It is indeed, my good fellow, replied Wrinkly Paddy. What you hold in your hand is none other than an electric mandolin.

Well, I said. Fuck me sideways if it ain’t.

Indeed, said Paddy, and no ordinary electric mandolin either.


No, he confirmed. What you’re looking at here, my friend, is a Mandocaster.

Really? I was astonished.

Yes, really, he nodded. And do you know who used to own it?

Eh, no, I had to confess.

I thought not, said Wrinkly Paddy. The previous owner of this here Mandocaster was none other than a man by the name of Hendrix.

You’re joking!

Would I jest about someting like this? Hendrix was playing this very instrument when the bikers attacked the crowd at the music festival.

Yeah, I said. Altamont. The Hell’s Angels. Sonny Barger. But I thought that was the Stones?

Paddy stared at me like I was mad. What?

Altamont, I said. ‘Sixty-nine?

Lisdoonvarna, he said. Seventy-eight.

Jimi Hendrix? I said.

Seamus Hendrix, he replied. Look. You can still see the burn-marks.

8 thoughts on “Paddy’s Mandocaster

  1. Meredith Hunter rushed the stage, was beaten back, rushed again, was pushed back, pulled a gun, and shot a Hells Angel in the arm… “people started stabbing him. Hells Angels – “somebody shoots you, you stab him.”
    One Hells Angel was arrested for the killing, but later was acquitted, despite the fact that the entire incident was captured on film. I wonder what really happened at Altamont? Y:-) Paddy
    Seamus Hendrix, is he a brother of Pascal Hendrix from Tralee.

  2. Don’t ye bloody laff! I was at that gig and it was orrible. It was our comeback gig and I was doing a spot of welding to calm the nerves when it all kicked off. Seamus is lucky to be alive today. He lost consciousness and no one would give him mouth to mouth on account of his oral leprosy. We just put our inflatable Manatee in his mouth and kind of squeezed. Did the job but it was touch and go there for a while. We wrote a song about it; Touch and Go, it was called.

  3. Mr Himmler: I seem to recognise that name. What was your band called in those days?

  4. Well we started of as Trojan but some bloody American rubber company tried to sue us. That’s when we changed it.

  5. Oh well you may laugh at my bootiful Mandocaster but only for the fact that i know that the bockperson has no intimate knowledge of the seering love that can exist between an elderly musician and his new found inanimate musical object I would return the humourless joshing…but I will hold my hour and have another. And another thing, how drunk were you when I related the story of the little yolk? The festival in question was The 49th Ballylanders Soiled Underwear Festival featuring such notable talents as Stan Webb and Hermann Hesse…now for you. By the way does any of your very patient readers know where one can get nickel coated ball end mandolin strings? I can assure you they will not be used for a sexual purpose.

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