I see Paris Hilton is going to the slammer. Jesus, isn’t that terrible? Paris, apparently, has taken up a petition to keep the poor lamb out of jail, and if you should feel inclined, you can sign it. Have a look at the site and enjoy the sweetness of it: you can’t sign the petition unless you pay money as well. Isn’t that incredible? The silly little rich girl wants you to plead for mercy on her behalf and at the same time hand over some of your money – which you worked for – unlike this idiot girl.
Here’s one of the points the petition makes in Paris’s favour (and by the way, I didn’t make this up):
She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
Oh right! This silly bitch expects the underclasses to rise up as one lumpenprole and demand that she swagger free.
Why? Because Paris gets what Paris wants.
This fool, Paris Hilton, this dimwit in fact, is the embodiment of the pouting stupidity that has seen us poor PC idiots hand over power to a bunch of sulking adolescents, for fear we might upset them.
What do I think? Fuck ’em! That’s what I think. In my opinion, what’s fucked up our world lately is the absence of the word No.
No, you can’t have the car.
No, you can’t have a TV in your bedroom.
No, you can’t stay out till four in the morning.
Get used to it.
Here’s a further extract from Paris’s petition:
If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well
And by the way, Paris, I’ll let you in on a secret.
Are you listening?
My secret is Fuck off.
You can stay in the Hanoi Hilton for all I care.
Meanwhile, on this side of the Pond, the authorities are exercised about a different sort of jailbird. You might have seen my post on scumbags in our high-security prisons having access to cell-phones. Well, after one particular scumbag phoned a radio talk-show, there have been raids on the highest-security prison in the country. The one where all the drug dealers and other filth are located. The one where the scumbags have flat-screen TVs in their cells to keep them quiet.
And what do you think these searches have revealed?
Well, they found a lot of phones, as you’d expect. After all, how’s a drug-dealer supposed to run his business if he can’t talk to his people? And they found chargers. And batteries. Syringes. Home-made whiskey. What??? How the fuck do you make whiskey in a high-security prison? Keep the fire down a bit there, Johnny. Here come the screws.
They also found heroin, cocaine and hash, which is no great surprise.
The thing I couldn’t figure out was the two budgies.
How the hell do you get a budgie up your arse? Better call Richard Gere