I see that a palaeontologist has discovered evidence of interbreeding between Homo Sapiens and Neanderthal Man. Dr Erik Trinkaus analysed fossil bone remains and found characteristics associated with both groups.

As you know, when our ancestors came out of Africa and arrived in Western Europe forty thousand years ago, they found it already inhabited by another human species. Imagine how pissed off they were.

Up to now, scientists had speculated that the two species didn’t interbreed, but their basis for making this assumption was suspect to say the least. The argument went that, as the Neanderthals were much stockier than us, with receding foreheads and prominent jaws, the Homo Sapiens wouldn’t be attracted to them. They’d find them physically repulsive and therefore no interbreeding would ever take place. And therefore, modern humans couldn’t possibly have any attributes of the Neanderthal.

Look, Gronk! There’s a big hairy smelly ape-like thing at our watering hole.

Yes, Urk, but it isn’t an ape. See! It’s carrying a primitive hand-tool and wearing animal skins for protection against the elements. Also, let me draw to your attention that it seems to be wearing a necklace of bone.

Why, so it is, Gronk. My goodness, isn’t it ugly!

Indeed, Urk. Let’s hurry back to the cave and warn the others.

Yeah. Right. The new humans wouldn’t mate with the old humans because they found them too ugly. Like that’s a fundamental characteristic of humans: they won’t have sex with ugly creatures.


I have only one answer to that: night-clubs.

And sheep.

Two. Two answers.

I think the good Dr Trinkaus may have stumbled on something of greater significance than he realises. Stone-age beer.

5 thoughts on “Neanderthal-Shagging

  1. Ever the Dublinocentric, I tried to imagine the Stone Age equivalent of Temple Bar on a Saturday night and then realised I didn’t have to.

  2. I find it amazing that the new humans didnt herd the Neanderthals
    together and make them live in vast Neanderthal estates hidden away from law abiding new humans where the said Neanderthals were hanging around kicking their heels waiting for the wheel to be invented so they could go joy riding!
    and go breaking into modern humans caves and stealing their cave man stuf .

    Wait !….

    hmmmm ….

    Maby it did happen!

    Yes,Yes it did!

  3. Maybe Neanderthal Man just thought Woman Sapiens was a lovely person with a nice personality.

  4. This is funny :) :)
    Honestly, no sarcasm intended this time.

    I would have written a piece very similar to this one had i taken to writing in blogs back then.

    Except that I think that Joao Zilhao, a portuguese paleo/anthropologist, discovered the first credible neanderthal/sapiens hybrid (a little boy). So I will not get into the intricacies of the whole affair and i will even allow for some slipping of my memory regarding the credits … but you can check more here:

    There are links in there into the original scientific publications…

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