World’s Greatest Living Blogger Shocker
May 27th, 2007 | By Bock | Category: Bock rantI bumped into The Greatest Living Blogger recently.
How’s it goin’ there? I said.
Not so bad, said the GLB.
Come here, I said. You’re from Dublin, aren’t you?
Yes, replied the GLB.
Here’s a funny one, I nudged him. Are you ready?
He nodded.
No, I said. Really, this is hysterical. Are you really ready?
He really nodded.
Did you sell any heroin today?
He looked at me blankly. What?
Oh, I said. People in Dublin sell heroin. You’re supposed to laugh. Hahahahahaha! Cos it’s like, really funny?
Fuck off, he said.
Right, I replied. Well, how about this. What journalists did you murder today? Hahahahaha!
What? He stared at me again.
Oh, I said. People in Dublin murder journalists. You’re supposed to laugh. Hahahahahaha!
Fuck off, he repeated.
Ah, I sighed. One more time then. This’ll really kill ya. How many African fellas did ya cut into pieces today? Hahahahahahaha!
What the fuck are you talking about? said the Greatest Living Blogger.
Oh, I replied. People in Dublin murder Africans and cut them up, don’t they? And throw the remains in the canal? You’re supposed to laugh. Hahahahahaha!
With that, the Greatest Living Blogger thumped me in the nose, and in retrospect, he was dead right, because I was being a stupid prick.
Oh! Wait a minute. Sorry. That isn’t how it happened.
Sorry.
What really happened was this. The World’s Greatest Living Blogger invited me to sneer at my town along the same stupid lines, and maybe pass him the Vaseline as well.
It reminds me of years ago when I lived in England for a while. There was always some twat who wanted to tell me a stupid-Irishman joke, expecting me to laugh. And they were always shocked and offended when I told them to stuff it.
Well, there you go. Now fuck off.
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And by the way, I’m not talking about Kav, though he may well be the world’s greatest blogger.
For the baffled out there, I’ll write about this again, explaining the background, and why I’m so touchy. This is a story that goes back years, and it involves our lazy, incompetent, national media. I’m afraid Twenty walked into a minefield here, and I accept that he didn’t invent this ridiculous slur, but every time it’s repeated, it reinforces a mistaken stereotype that harms us all.
Sure the GLB’s standards have been up and down like P.Hilton’s knickers lately.Must be the ‘difficult’ second album syndrome.
Please be nice to him Bock as obviously his slur was a very real ‘cry for help’.Maybe it’s time for him to take a swim in Lake Twenty and reconnect with his inner chiseler….Oh…did I say “chiseler”? Hmmmm that’s like a chisel right? Which isn’t far off a knife when you think about it.Have to careful with those words as some people hone (D’oh) in on the double-edged (D’oh x2) sword (D’oh x3) of meaning.Fuck!
If that GLB was any sharper he’s cut himself.
Fucking hell. Imagine if I’d actually said something that wasn’t obviously tongue in cheek, Bock.
You’re very touchy.
Some sort of round table discussion between Twenty Major and Old Knudsen might be fun.
Pretenders the lot of them, I never met you, only in yer wet dreams lad.
I always wanted to say this to somebody.
Knudsen, it isn’t about you.
totally lost, but i figure it’s expected cos i’m an american anyway AND i live in the south…a double strike, i guess…*waiting for the explanation*
But us no touchy butts, M. Twenty, and back to ‘The Smoke’ with you. Or ‘Scab City’ as we bogmen call it, on account of it living off the rest of the country. (Water from the Shannon, I ask you!)
Perhaps a look at the actual statistics here
http://www.garda.ie/angarda/statistics/report2005/annreport2005b.pdf
would enlighten all those of you who wish to deny the simple fact that Dublin is a lot less safe than Limerick.
Of particular interest is the headline offences section.
The
total
number of headline offences in the Limerick area is less than
any one
of the five Dublin met AREAS.
To look at it another way the headline offences per thousand head of population is actually 39.13 Average throughout the Dublin area
(Varies from 24.63 to a high of 114.57 in North Central Dublin)
whereas Limerick is only 31.85
a difference of 22.8% if you Look at it from the Limerick point of view or 18.6% from the Dublin point of view.
Doesn’t matter, It shows the lie…
What shows it even more is the list of homicide offences by region.
Limerick 1 homicide and no manslaughter, Kerry or Carlow/Kildare has double the homicide for 2005 for gods sake. Dublin has a total of 24 for 2005, the lowest region in Dublin has the same total as Limerick. Cork City had double that of Limerick.
Now who can tell me that there isn’t a bias against reporting the true facts about crime in Dublin and a major bias towards reporting every dog or cockfight in Limerick????
P.S.
Limerick doesn’t want to tip its waste or dump it’s sewage anywhere else either……..
Oh hell while we’re at it,
add up the cost of the DART, LUAS and the proposed METRO and divide it by the population numbers and then compare it to the total cost of the same in Cork or Limerick or Galway..
Oops thats a little too easy, you’re comparing it to ZERO in all cases……..
Fuck it, I was wondering why I wasn’t seeing your feed – my update didn’t work. I’ve missed tons of yer stuff. Sorted now Bock, I’m receiving you in stereo.
Oh dear am guilty of the same sin, although I am very obviously not the worlds greatest living blogger.
Expect a bitingly satirical post about you from Bock any minute, Flirty.
Ah, Twenty, we all have to take it sometimes as well as handing it out.
No question about it, Bock.
Psssst. I’ll loan anyone a Tube of KY or a Tub of Vazzz if taking the pain is a little too tough. Actually I also have a pot of that WAVIN pipe lubricant around here somewheres, looks a bit like Swarfega hand wash……
I feel like the child from Kramer V Kramer. Everyones fighting and I don’t know what its about.
Well everybody’s being nice in their slagging off of Twenty so I’ll try and buck the trend a little. If there is a blogging equivalent to Bernard Manning, Twenty is surely it.
Shit, maybe he took that as a compliment. Oh, I’m just a wee pirate. What know I of…
Fuck you, Purplehead. I’m not fat.
Ok. If there a blogging equivalent to a thin Bernard Manning, Twenty is surely it.
It’s true, Cap’n. Much to my surprise, he wasn’t fat when I met him, though of course I can’t be certain who I met.
Neither can I. Was it an Eastern European Mafioso (but surely Bock wouldn’t engage in negative stereotyping …*cough*…) or some bloke at the bar?
Who can tell?
Anyway Purple, I’m not sure how you draw the link between my blog and the manufacturer of delicious turkey based products.
Apparently he used to be Thirty Major but he went on Atkins.
That’s different. Those eastern European fuckers can fuck off. Crowd of crooks.
Staying over there taking our jobs. And our women. And our dogs.
Not to mention our rum. Fuckers. I can’t navigate whilst sober.
I fkkn remember when we played the Limerick Paladium. Limerick’s a great toon but the standard of welding is shite.
Hey! Are you THE Zak B Himmler? The world-famous welder-turned-rock star?
Ah, leave the poor unfortunate Dubs alone…..if they weren’t busily highlighting the occasional crime in Limerick or republishing details of ten-year-old events ad nauseum, they might actually have to look at what happens in their own city and start subscribing to the “people-in-glasshouses” train of thought.
Better to slag off somewhere else and make it look worse than it is than risk actually publishing the truth.
Funniest one ever was [true story] when a few of us were on holidays and, on hearing where we were from, some guy from Antrim used the phrase “stab city”……talk about being fixated on a stereotype!
I was SO tempted to ask how come that area of the country was full of terrorists, but I decided that any idiot who jumped to conclusions like that wasn’t going to be capable of a lucid discussion (and besides, solely because of where he was from, he might have kneecapped me and then buried me on a beach somewhere).
I think I just used the phrase “kettle, pot” and walked away…..
Very funny Bock. I really wouldn’t mind a lot of the Limerick bashing if it was actually funny.
Dublin media just seems to enjoy this boggy-man they’ve made of Limerick, safe in the knowledge that Limerick isn’t a tourist hot-spot, and the public will likely never know any different. It’s just an easy target for lazy hacks, who need to sensationalize their pieces.
Has anyone here ever talked to somebody from up the country who’s never been to Limerick and relies on the media for their knowledge of Limerick? A bizarre experience is the only way I can describe it!
hangar queen – paris hiltons knickers and difficult second album syndrome in one sentence – legend
limerick abú