Getting tough on crime
Posted on Friday, June 29, 2007I see a headline on the front page of today’s Irish Times:
Women injecting cocaine have had legs amputated.
Now! You see? That’s the way to clamp down on crime. At long last, the government have started listening to me.
I look forward to mass amputations, varying from perhaps the removal of a fingertip for littering to maybe circumcision for shoplifting. Beheadings, of course for rape and kiddy-fiddling, and, oh, I don’t know, possibly one shaved eyebrow for illegal parking.
The chances are that I’ll be co-opted onto a government-appointed board of experts to draw up a list of suitable punishments, so I need your input here.
Any suggestions what body parts should be removed for what offence?
Stumble it!
June 29th, 2007
jaysis dont the do that for real in some arab countries though ? like cut your hand off if you are caught stealing, so you have to wipe your arse and eat with the one hand ??
June 29th, 2007
Men urinating in street to have one kidney removed in colocation operation.
June 29th, 2007
How about, roving squads of lads in vans with a barrel in the back randomly lifting scumbags. They might not be doing anything now, but they will, sometime! A sort of proactive crime prevention if you will. Scumbags, they might forget a beating but they’ll never forget a good riding.
June 29th, 2007
That’s the fuckin spirit, lads! Keep it up.
June 29th, 2007
For talking shit : a reverse colonic irrigation?
June 29th, 2007
how about plucking out of an eyeball for pervy leering, add lascivious speech and ya get yer tongue nipped?
June 29th, 2007
Right!
Exceeding the speed limit - removal of both feet.
Public Drinking - stomach removal
Being a Skobie - Summary Execution
Spitting on the Pavement - removal of one lung
Changing lanes without using directional signals - lobotomy
June 29th, 2007
“possibly one shaved eyebrow for illegal parking.”
All the suggestions were dead on, but this one was a particular stroke of genius.
You have my vote.
June 29th, 2007
Conan - don’t be joking about the one kidney thing - I only have the one - I’m terrified that someone will try and steal it. Well mildly worried really.
June 30th, 2007
Hands should be amputated for all and any tight fisted bastards who fail to tip at least 10%….
June 30th, 2007
Oh yeah, I almost forgot…
Rooting for Chelsea - removal of vocal chords
and by the way, I have been to the Holy Land. No not Detroit, Old Trafford.
June 30th, 2007
Given my situation right now, I’d best not answer that question.
June 30th, 2007
“rooting for chelsea…”
i am way out of my league here. you guys are violent, vindictive, and hilarious!