House Flies
Posted on Sunday, July 1, 2007I hate bluebottles.
I fucking HATE bluebottles.
They’re the most disgusting creature ever imagined. A filthy, pus-ridden obscenity that should be exterminated at every opportunity. I fucking hate them.
Last year, I had an experience with the bastards that simply confirmed to me how revolting they are. However, for some reason, I don’t find the smaller ones so horrible, though it’s hard to understand why. They just seem to be less horrible.
That hasn’t lessened my anger at the fact that the fuckers have invaded my kitchen. The small ones, I mean. Little house-flies.
Why is this? I haven’t murdered anyone. There isn’t an old sheep’s head lying on the floor. My home isn’t much filthier than yours. So why do I find a dozen of these fuckers flying around in my home?
If you happen to be an expert on the subject of house-flies, please let me know what’s going on.
Stumble it!
July 1st, 2007
I’m not an expert, Bock, but I have the same problem this year. Just this year. It hasn’t happened before.
I can only guess it is down to the warm weather and the excessive humidity of the last few weeks.
July 1st, 2007
It’s bound to be something to do with recycling and fortnightly waste collection and if it’s not that then it bloody well should be!
July 1st, 2007
exposed fruit or sugar or bread etc
July 1st, 2007
global warming, sugar! ;)
we’re having the same problem here and primal is correct…it has to do with the weather and humidity. here in the south humidity is a given, but this year, according to the local climatologists/weather geeks, it’s worse. we’re seeing more infestations of every possible bug/fly/insect here because of it and btw, the attacks have nothing to do with how clean your home is either!
July 1st, 2007
Jeez, Niall, what are you a minister for equallity? You can’t be blaming everything on homosexuality.
Bock is perfectly entitled to allow his scantily clad gay friends lounge about in his kitchen whether they attract flies or not.
It’s his kitchen, Niall.
July 1st, 2007
Here’s a tip for all those unwanted bluebottles. Catch one, put it in a container and stick it the fridge. When it chills it becomes more docile, remove it, then take a very fine needle with about a foot of thread and a knot in the end and thread it through it’s abdomen near it’s arse. When it thaws out, it tries to fly away. Hey Presto!!! Fly kites!!
July 1st, 2007
They’re not bluebottles.
They’re the smaller fuckers.
July 1st, 2007
I wholeheartedly agree with this. T’was a murky night near Carpenter’s Cove when I spotted a vessel moored of shore. Rousing the crew from their rum-sodden sleep, I intended to plunder the living fuck out of the boat. I was about to yell YYAAARRR. I mean, I was really working up to a lung-bursting YYAAARRR that would strike fear into the hearts of this vessel’s crew when a fucking bluebottle flew straight into my mouth. The result was a less than impressive YYeeeccchhh, which sent these filthy part-time sailors into gales of laughter. I drew my cutlass and another bluebottle bounced of my eye. I wobbled around the place for a while trying to regain my balance and fell overboard. These fuckers were still laughing as they made their escape.
July 2nd, 2007
what function in life do flies serve ? i know its obvious when it comes to some insects but flies that love sitting on shite ? beats me
July 2nd, 2007
Do up yer flies man, and stop complaining.
ps…get one of them old-style hanging sticky fly catching thingamys. Then kick back with a beer and watch the feckers go slowly to the hereafter. Better than telly. [this is not recommeded for Buddhist types who will see a dreadful karmic future resulting from this]
July 2nd, 2007
Cap’n: Indeed. That was truly the low point of your career. You know what they say: a shut mouth catches no flies.
Rambling Man: They exist so that we can smash them with rolled-up newspapers.
Conan: So that’s where they were coming from!
Jesus, those old fly-papers. Can you still buy them? And what about those poison aerosols we used to spray everywhere in our homes? A small shot of nerve-gas never hurt anyone.
July 2nd, 2007
I have two sticky whatsits hanging up right here and now. Get ‘em in any all-purpose shop in a country town. Newcastlewest would be a good bet. When they’re done you can scape ‘em off and use it on toast. Consistency of honey, with protein bits, mmm…
July 2nd, 2007
Jesus, Conan. I don’t think I could bear to be looking at the fucking thing.
July 2nd, 2007
Live with the flies, so. Incidentally the proprietary brand is ‘Aeroxon’… made in Germany. The same volk that brought you the messerschmidt and Krupps, und Uber Alles. Gemutlich, ja?
July 3rd, 2007
Well, gemütlichkeit I can live with. Also, if you remember, those amazing Messerschmitt bubble-cars. Krupp I’m not so happy about.
Über Alles, I’m afraid, they still sing.
July 3rd, 2007
A fine brace of umlauts you have there, Herr Bock, and a correctly spelled messer. Yes, the bubble cars I faintly recall, although Heinkels were the common ones and the beamer crowd at bayern motor werk had a model too, I think.