Rockhopper Has an Idea
Posted on Sunday, July 8, 2007I could see that the Rockhopper had another of his Great Ideas. I knew by the gimp of him. I could tell by his furrowed brow, his protruding tongue, his one bulging eye and the fact that he was sweating like a priest in a playground.
So, I said. What is it this time?
Eh? he grunted in Irish.
The Idea. What’s the Great Idea That’s Going To Make Us All Rich?
Oh, he said, I’m still refining the detail, but now that you mention it, yes indeed, I do happen to have hit on a great idea, and yes, it’s going to make us all rich.
So? I pressed.
Guide dogs, he said.
Guide dogs? As in guide dogs for the blind?
Yup!
But I said, there’s no money in that. They cost a fortune to train. You have to put years of work into them, and there’s absolutely no profit in them.
Exactly what I was thinking, the Rockhopper agreed. And that’s why I’ve been working on this new idea.
Aha? Which is?
Guide Asylum-Seekers for the Blind! he announced with a flourish. They’ll be cheaper than guide dogs. They’ll put up with worse accommodation. We won’t have to feed them as much and if they don’t work out, we can just deport them.
Jesus! I said. You’re a genius.
I am, he agreed.
Stumble it!
YOU'VE BEEN SHOUTING ABOUT ...
July 8th, 2007
But they won’t know their way around, Bock! They’ve been kept in centres all their time here.
July 9th, 2007
It’s already happening, Bock. You see many the elderly person being helped by a carer who’s just recently arrived in the country.
July 9th, 2007
Great idea B. You’re allowed keep them in council houses as well!
July 9th, 2007
Bang on Bock!! You’re wasted here, how come your not Minister for Employment or at least Minister for What to do with the Refugees/Asylum Seekers?
July 9th, 2007
Dear Mr Bock. Can I have one please and can she be Polish and polish stuff as well. She cannot have any allergies to lycra or rubber as you know for obvious reasons.
July 9th, 2007
Mr Sneeze: Well, they’ll just have to learn.
Conan: Isn’t it amazing how quickly they took up the idea?
Galwaywegian: Precisely. Sweary will be delighted.
b3n: Cos I’m not an idiot, and therefore wouldn’t qualify as a government minister.
QJS: I’m afraid you can’t have a Polish guide. They aren’t refugees or asylum seekers, even though Poland does in fact have two complete (and identical) fascists in charge. You should look around among the many oppressive states that haven’t yet joined the EU, and when you find one to your liking, drop me a line. I’ll see what can be done.
July 10th, 2007
Dear Mr Bock. Thank you for putting me straight on polishing Poles, silly me. It is my ambition to someday be as clever as you. This may help me with my my moonlighting as the latex tends to get slippery late in the evening as the sweating starts. Any suggestions?