There’s bad luck, and then there’s this
Posted on Friday, July 6, 2007I’m not fully certain this is true, but I like it anyway.
You might remember those two Asian guys who were arrested in Lancashire after ordering suspiciously large numbers of gas cylinders. Well, it turns out, according to my expert informant (well, actually, according to some drunk I met in a bar), that the guys were completely innocent of any terrorist activity at all.
Great, you might be thinking. Lucky for them. They’re probably back home now, saying Phew!, what a close one. Isn’t it a good thing we were innocent, and anyway, the police have a job to do.
Well, you’d be wrong, because they aren’t back home at all. They’re still in the clink.
How so? you demand, outraged.
Simple enough: they weren’t making bombs. They were growing weed. Loads and loads of weed, which the cops found when searching the premises for explosives, Korans, explosive Korans, burqas, yashmaks, hajibs, kebabs, Turkish Delight, Eastern Tandooris, bindhi bajees, fatwas, and anything else vaguely non-British and evil and alien and Islamic and therefore terrorist.
We Irish experienced something similar in the past when the IRA were setting off bombs in Britain.
But these poor guys I feel very, very sorry for. Here’s a couple of dudes, plainly untroubled by any ideology, Islamic or otherwise, peacefully going about their unlawful business.
Without warning, a platoon of armed cops bursts through their door screaming ‘allo ‘alo ‘allo wots all this then, eh? when suddenly, while following normal procedures by beating the suspects senseless, one of the cops furrows his brow.
‘Ang about! Wot the fack is all this then, eh? It’s fackin grass, innit?
And so they switch off the tasers, and bandage the dog-bites and snip the cable-ties off their thumbs, cancel the water-boarding session (fack, I never got to try it, Guvnor). Then they pat talc all over the facial bruising, stitch up their split lips, make a mould for their new teeth and turn to them with an apologetic smile.
‘Ere! We was wrong about the bomb stuff, all right? So ‘ere’s wot we gonna do, all right? ‘Ave one o’ these facking charge sheets cos you is facking well-busted for growin this ‘ere grass wot all my men is testing for purity over behind that fackin bush. All right, my son?
The unluckiest Asian dope-growers who ever lived in Britain.
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In a similar vein: One man and his magnet
Stumble it!
July 6th, 2007
Hydroponics, gas-powered? I don’t think so. But never let a fact get in the way of a good story… as someone wiser than me once said.
July 6th, 2007
You’re making me laugh! Stoppit!!
July 6th, 2007
Conan, you’re a big spoilsport. Bock, you can add one ‘wet himself’ to your stats.Ithink recognise that constable from ‘The Five Find-Outers’.
July 6th, 2007
Hee hee.
July 6th, 2007
Poor bastards :)
click below for the FF (firefighter, not Fianna Fail) version
http://www.break.com/index/fire-fighter-gets-high.html
July 7th, 2007
Poor sods
July 7th, 2007
That’s going to harsh their mellow, as the mary jane smokers say. They probably had no idea that they looked suspicious.
July 7th, 2007
Fuck you!! I’m not ’some drunk you met in a bar’ you bollix!! You’d win a prize in an all-Ireland bollix competition so you would, even Ger Loughnane would have no chance against you. That’s the last can of beer (free that is) you get from me ya bollix of a bock ya!! I’m some clean-living decent oul bollix you met in a coffee shop, ya bollix ya.
The Bolted Nut (Indignant, that is)
July 7th, 2007
Here’s the REAL url:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article2025720.ece
July 7th, 2007
Bock, I think there’s a nut unbolting - needs tightening - I’d buy him an ameliorating drink in a, ahem, coffeeshop.