The Devil Take Your Washing Machine!
Jul 23rd, 2007 | By Bock | Category: HumourDid you ever know anyone who sold their soul to the Devil?
Hmm?
Strange idea, isn’t it – selling your soul to the Devil?
Strange.
I wonder if he’d accept other things? Such as my washing machine, for instance, which without warning started to emit terrible beeps telling me it refused to do anything, the bastard.
Wash these fucking clothes now, you washing machine bastard!
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Do I know what all this means? No. I lost the manual approximately 30 nanoseconds after buying the thing.
I phone the manufacturers, who inform me that the thing is still inside its five-year warranty on parts, but I’ll have to pay their engineer €70 for the call-out.
Is he really an engineer? I ask them. That seems a bit excessive when a repair-man would have done. Do you also send actuaries, dentists, architects and archaeologists?
This passes right over their heads.
Tuesday be all right?
Yeah.
He phones on Tuesday: That Mr Bock?
Yeah.
Can you be home at 3 o’clock?
Sure.
I’m there at 2 o’clock and he arrives at ten past. Hang on a fucking minute. Didn’t he say three? What was he going to do if I just happened not to be there until the time we agreed, which he suggested?
It’s probably the door-interlock, he says.
I nod. I don’t tell him that I already changed the door interlock and the fucker still wouldn’t work. He gets a new one from his van and takes out the one I just put in.
No, he says. It’s the main board.
Right. Can you fix it?
No. I’ll have to order one.
Why?
We don’t carry them.
Why?
I’ll have to order it. Friday be ok?
Sure.
This is Monday. I still haven’t seen him.
I’m thinking of selling my washing machine to the Devil, not that I expect to get anything in return, but maybe when he realises it doesn’t work any more, he might fling it into the canal by supernatural devil-stuff, and save me the trouble of loading it into a trailer.
Hmm. Good idea. And then, if the washing machine experiment is a success, I was thinking of seling him other stuff. A bicycle, for instance. Carpets. A pup.
A dummy.
Myself and SLF have a roof rack you could start him off with, if you fancy it. It’s shit.
That’ll learn him for being the devil.
I phone a glazier at 5pm. He called to the house at 6. He returned with glass at 9 and job finished at 9:30. Proving that people who fix things aren’t all bad eh?
I’m assuming the pup for sale is the same one the washing machine salesman sold you.
“He returned with glass at 9 and job finished at 9:30″
I had the same experience, but it’s the nature of their business. When my front door was smashed in, they replaced the glass with hammer-proof glass within a couple of hours.
People don’t break in through your washing machine.
(The other people usually on time are the garbage disposal engineers.)
I’m still stuck on a repairman who comes an hour early.
tee hee!