I didn’t get a chance to read the papers closely today, due (as you know) to my intensive engagement with shovelling tons of rubble and building stone walls.
One piece of advice for you: don’t ever do this. Ever. Got that? Never.
Anyway, as I said, I only had a chance to scan the paper, pick out a few headlines to dig slightly deeper into, and I have to say, there’s a nice selection today.
Bertie Ahern might have to finally come clean and ‘fess up at the Tribunal after a bank official confirms that his story about the source of dodgy lodgements simply doesn’t stack up. Well done, Bertie: let’s find out just how crooked you are. Have a look back at some of these.
Then there’s the hundred Roma gypsies camped on a roundabout in Dublin. A humanitarian crisis, as Pavee Point call it, or a bunch of scammers on the lookout for a soft touch, as the majority of Irish people see things. These people came from Romania without work permits and set up a small shanty town at the side of a motorway. They also want houses and jobs. Well fuck me sideways, but doesn’t everyone? However, just as I might like to have a job in the States or Australia, and be given a house, I know what would happen if I tried it: I’d be kicked straight back on a plane. And amazingly, in this new PC Ireland where nobody bears personal responsibility for anything, that’s exactly what happened. They’ve been served with deportation orders. Good. And goodbye.
I see the good news that those Bulgarian doctors and nurses have been released from a Libyan jail at last after eight years. They were sentenced to death on the insane charge of deliberately infecting 460 children with HIV and claim to have been abused and tortured during their time in prison. Good old Gadaffi. Flying the flag for nutcases everywhere.
There’s the usual litany of murders, rapes, fish-kills, toxic toothpaste scandals, 12-year-old Russian oil billionaires and Man Critical After Shooting Himself in Head. Hmmm. Not sure what to make of that. You would tend to be a bit critical all right, I suppose.
But my absolute favourite story of the day is headlined thus:
Boy Injured by Wooden Chicken
This five-year-old’s family successfully sued Budget Travel for Ã¢â€š¬8,500 after he was head-butted by a spring-loaded wooden chicken in the Canary Islands. You can imagine the trauma the poor little fellow went through, and will continue to experience all his life, now that his childish trust in wooden chickens has been destroyed in one senseless wooden act of spring-loaded chicken savagery.