What it says in the papers

I didn’t get a chance to read the papers closely today, due (as you know) to my intensive engagement with shovelling tons of rubble and building stone walls.


One piece of advice for you: don’t ever do this. Ever. Got that? Never.

Anyway, as I said, I only had a chance to scan the paper, pick out a few headlines to dig slightly deeper into, and I have to say, there’s a nice selection today.

Bertie Ahern might have to finally come clean and ‘fess up at the Tribunal after a bank official confirms that his story about the source of dodgy lodgements simply doesn’t stack up. Well done, Bertie: let’s find out just how crooked you are. Have a look back at some of these.

Then there’s the hundred Roma gypsies camped on a roundabout in Dublin. A humanitarian crisis, as Pavee Point call it, or a bunch of scammers on the lookout for a soft touch, as the majority of Irish people see things. These people came from Romania without work permits and set up a small shanty town at the side of a motorway. They also want houses and jobs. Well fuck me sideways, but doesn’t everyone? However, just as I might like to have a job in the States or Australia, and be given a house, I know what would happen if I tried it: I’d be kicked straight back on a plane. And amazingly, in this new PC Ireland where nobody bears personal responsibility for anything, that’s exactly what happened. They’ve been served with deportation orders. Good. And goodbye.

I see the good news that those Bulgarian doctors and nurses have been released from a Libyan jail at last after eight years. They were sentenced to death on the insane charge of deliberately infecting 460 children with HIV and claim to have been abused and tortured during their time in prison. Good old Gadaffi. Flying the flag for nutcases everywhere.

There’s the usual litany of murders, rapes, fish-kills, toxic toothpaste scandals, 12-year-old Russian oil billionaires and Man Critical After Shooting Himself in Head. Hmmm. Not sure what to make of that. You would tend to be a bit critical all right, I suppose.

But my absolute favourite story of the day is headlined thus:

Boy Injured by Wooden Chicken

This five-year-old’s family successfully sued Budget Travel for €8,500 after he was head-butted by a spring-loaded wooden chicken in the Canary Islands. You can imagine the trauma the poor little fellow went through, and will continue to experience all his life, now that his childish trust in wooden chickens has been destroyed in one senseless wooden act of spring-loaded chicken savagery.

kick it on

9 replies on “What it says in the papers”

The Roma gypo thing is actually really getting on my tits, having quite a distaste for the bastards. I’ve been vaugely following the saga since it made it into the local rag about 3 months ago as a side artical. It seems there was only 25 – 30 or so of them. Then when originaly approached by gardai and immigration maybe a month ago, they were informed that if they left peacefully, they would be set up in temporary shelters. The next thing you know, 60 more of them arrived off a plane 2 weeks later, reports came in that as they were being removed the other day, there was 30 more already on a plane. All from the same extended family… Fuck off, we have our own travellers trying to scam free housing out of us already…

On Adam Maguire’s blog you can hear the bleeding heart liberal version of why we should welcome them all into our homes.
On my own, you can hear a more, erm, rational idea for preventing this sort of stunt from occurring again.

My favourite quote of the day was from a Pavee Point spokeswoman on the news, she said that these Roma gypsies have to endure appalling conditions back in Romania, squalid flats with no heating etc. Which is why, of course, behind some bushes on a roundabout in Ballymun is SO much better…

WJJ: I don’t know enough about this. research required, obviously.

Mr Skinner: You might perhaps be a little hard on Mr Maguire. There are certainly some inconsistencies in what he says, but for the most part he seems to reflect the general view, including mine and yours.

Richie: Well, who knows how bad thiose apartments are? Maybe they really are worse than a bush on a motorway.

I heard a pavee point spokes-person on the radio saying that this was a humanitarian crisis because the conditions in the M50 camp were the worst she had ever seen, worse, in fact, than the shanty encampments outside New Delhi. Later in the interview she said they couldn’t go back to Romania because conditions there were much worse than on the M50. If A > B and B > C then Romania must be hell on fucking earth !

Mr Skinner: Where does Adam stand on spring-loaded wooden chickens?

Wrinkly Joe: I heard it was bad enough to make a Pavee point.

Mairéad: Don’t know. The promise of sunshine, maybe?

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