How we plan things in Ireland

 Posted by on August 7, 2007  Add comments
Aug 072007
 

Five billion, by Jesus! Five billion. Roll that around your tongue there for a minute like a good smoky, solid old Irish whiskey. Five billion.

It doesn’t sound much when you say it fast, does it? Five. Billion.

That’s how much our government plans to spend on the new Dublin metro. The northern section.

They propose to spend the same on the southern section, having already spent about €800 million on the tram system for Dublin, and another €800 million for the Dublin port tunnel which, sadly, will soon be unnecessary when the port is moved, but hey! shit happens, and after all, it’s only money when you get right down to it.

So let’s see. That’s five and five – ten! Ten billion. And then we have the trams and the tunnel. €11.6 billion. Right. And then there’s the €3.4 billion that needs to be spent electrifying Dublin’s suburban rail system. Let’s call it a round €15 billion. Hey, overseas friends: that’s about €22 billion dollars. That’s almost the cost of three days occupying Iraq, for fucksake!

Do you notice anything missing from this list?

Well, how about the name of every other city in Ireland, except Dublin, where the politicians, the judiciary and the media people live?

Isn’t that clever?

Isn’t it clever that we’re all taxpayers, that we all pay the same money to the Exchequer, and that only about a quarter of the population live in Dublin, yet we see €15 billion of our money spent on Dublin’s public transport system as compared to — what spent on the rest of the country?

Well, at a rough estimate, to approximately fuck-all. I go to town on the bus like I always did, the same as people in Cork, Galway, Waterford, Sligo and everywhere else do.

Isn’t that great? Isn’t it a credit to the people of Limerick, Cork, Galway, Waterford, Sligo and everywhere else that they’re so happy to send their taxes to build all these things in Dublin? And what’s more, that they’re willing to forgo the same benefits for themselves, in an outburst of public-spirited generosity. Damn good of them. Damn good.

Meanwhile, our former national airline, complete with its valuable Heathrow slots, which was sold off by our government for no obvious reason, has just announced its abandonment of Shannon to set up shop in Belfast. Also on the East coast, just like Dublin, and now at the centre of the political universe, since they stopped shooting each other.

Why? Was it an uneconomic operation in Shannon? Far from it. Every flight was full.

So why?

Who can tell?

Maybe it’s because, in our little anti-democracy, some people’s votes count more than others’.

I should have kicked in a few pennies to Bertie‘s dig-out fund. Shit.

  24 Responses to “How we plan things in Ireland”

Comments (24)
  1.  

    I say we just cut The Pale off of Ireland like the parasite it is and tow it across the Irish Sea( soon to be renamed the Dublin Sea) and nail it on to Liverpool.

    It would be a pity really because I like Liverpool.

  2.  

    They’ll need all the public transport they can get in Dublin in a few year’s time, when it’s the only part of the country any employer will even consider setting up business. Then the happy Dubs will be able to afford holiday homes on the west coast as the villages and towns become deserted.

  3.  

    They really need to build a rail line betwen Shannon and Limerick and Galway. If Shannon stopped worring about the stop over they could make a killing in flying the rset of the country to Europe and beyond.

  4.  

    It was Leonard Cohen’s wife who sold Shannon out Bock, which is why you killed her in retaliation for giving Big Ian the Fenian slots. You had sufficient provocation though, her being a Sandymount D4 Greenie.

  5.  

    Bock, Bock, me auld flow’r. Do you not know that Dublinium is the miraculous shining centre of this perning gyre we call Hibernia? We pay vast tribute to its upkeep, in the manner of ancient tithes; we marvel at the studied introspection of its pundits; and we bow down before the erudition of that learned creature, the Dub in the pub. Here in ‘the provinces’, we must strive to remember OUR PLACE, which is as tireless powder monkeys to the stalwart cannons of the Liffey.

    Besides, the Dublin Chamber of Commerce is demanding improved infrastructure for the capital, while reminding us of the “anti-Dublin bias in Government funding!” As seen in this report.

    And you can complain about the local bus here.

  6.  

    Considering the whole lot will probably be underwater within the century, yeah, it is pretty funny alright.

  7.  

    When I saw “five billion”, I thought you were telling us about the guest list for your bbq :-).
    It’s a cup of tea in Cork now, sham. Much more manageable – if we can just locate five billion cups and saucers!
    Seriously, though, this Dublin bias thing gives me the pip too, but worse, because I pay the thieving PAYE too, but don’t even have a bus service really.

  8.  

    Improving the infrastructure of Dublin is a benefit to the country as a whole, the port of Dublin for example needs to get goods out to the rest of the country, improving infrastructure means that the flat screen tv’s from China get to Kiltimagh quicker.
    On the other hand if you want to have a go at Dub’s well fire away I’m sure 20 Maja will have a go at defending the Smoke.
    Or maybe you are just trying to get one on here?

  9.  

    Aer Lingus in Belfast and welcomed by the DUP, Jesus times they are a changing…

    5 billion, that’s a lot of wonga. Bless….

  10.  

    Surely it’s time for festival part three??

  11.  

    Devin: Maybe not a bad plan.

    Galwaywegian: Your point is truer than some people realise.

    Macdara: That won’t happen. The money is needed for the East coast.

    S&C: You’ve been looking through my papers, right?

    Mr Darwin: Oh, that old anti-Dublin bias. The only cure for the trauma it causes is to apply fifteen billion euros to the affected area.

    K8: Then they’ll want my house.

    Mairéad: That doesn’t matter. You don’t matter. Neither do I.

    Tim: They’re going to unload the ships onto the Metro? I’m not having a go at Dublin. I’m having a go at a stupid government that allows a tiny country to develop in such a lopsided way.

    Manuel: And a united Ireland against English foot ‘n’ mouth! For fucksake!

  12.  

    Well Dustin did always campaign to bring the Dart to Dingle!

  13.  

    I keep meeting people grousing about their commute times (to Dublin)… they want better access, and ideally by public transport… like exists around London in the UK. No reason why 100mls radius of Dublin shouldn’t be developed as a max 1.5hrs commute distance by public transport. Would spread a lot of wealth – and population – around the country. This would change the constituency demography and create a political balance outside Dublin city and county.

  14.  

    read this article. I actually read a bigger one originally but I couldn’t find it again.

    Article

    “Brennan believes that an underground metro could be built by 2006 for €2.4 billion or less, if legislation allowed shorter consultation periods, 24-hour tunnelling and standardised design features. “

    the existance of legislation that prevents 24-hour tunnelling and standardised design is scaring me.

    whats the bet that each one of the recommendations from Prof.Maynor will be completely ignored.

  15.  

    this is from 2003. oops.
    BTW wheres the fucking Metro already.

    some maths
    2.6bn for 11km track means
    45.826km for 10bn

    is 45km really that much?

  16.  

    Conortje: The KART.

    Niall: These fucking eejits would give your money away to any dog or devil in the street. We need to kick them out now, the stupid fucking wasters.

    By the way, I think you’re stretching it a bit calling that maths. Arithmetic, maybe, but maths? Nah.

  17.  

    “And a united Ireland against English foot ‘n’ mouth! For fucksake!”

    Yes all our cows are now Irish where once they used to be British. We will be United one cow at a time….

  18.  

    Manuel: Isn’t it amazing? All of a sudden, Big Ian gets in touch with his inner Taig.

  19.  

    There isn’t a person who can deny the need for it but the cost is fucking ridiculous, especially when you look at the metro and public transport systems put in place across Europe for fractions of what they’re going to spend.

    As per usual a bunch of cunts will line their pockets on the back of it too.

  20.  

    Twenty: There’s nobody here suggesting that Dublin’s infrastructure should not be built up. I’m just complaining that the rest of us seem to be invisible.

    As for the rip-off factor, and those miserable FFFuckers, well, I have a pain in my head from writing about that

  21.  

    Have you considered moving to Dublin to take advantage of all the cool stuff we have that you don’t?

  22.  

    I actually lived there for many years and my children were born in the Rotunda. I would have stayed, but the Roadwatch accent got to me eventually and my nerve cracked.

    Also, I got too frightened of all the traffic lights and the svelte cosmopolitan people.

  23.  

    Also, I got too frightened of all the traffic lights and the svelte cosmopolitan people.

    Fuck me, you must have been living in a posh part of town. The svelter the person the more expensive the houses.

  24.  

    Yeah. I started in Rialto but worked my way Sighth. (Bind.)

    It was terrifying.

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