I see the Vatican has started its own airline.
Ratzair, I believe they’re calling it.
The first flight was yesterday and went from Rome to Lourdes, but they’ll also serve Fatima, Mount Sinai and Santiago.
Ja, confirmed a spokesman for the Vatican, We haff the plan for den Heiligeflug to alles the Heilige shrines in der Welt. Und we intend in the long running the entire Welt in the overtaking machen. Mwoohahaha!
Cabin crew will wear the normal ecclesiastical attire and service will be provided by a highly trained team of priests and nuns. Anyone refusing to eat the food will be sexually abused, severely beaten and forced to sit out out on the wing until they learn their lesson. In-flight entertainment will be compulsory, and will mostly comprise old Charlton Heston movies.
There’s one big advantage in flying to places like Lourdes. It really keeps the cost of maintenance down, and these savings can be passed on to the customers. For example, if a tyre bursts, or an engine explodes or something, it will be no problem. The runway will have to be extended, of course, but once this work is complete, the pilot can simply taxi straight into the water and out the other side. The puncture will be fixed and the exploded engine will be ticking over like a mouse’s heart.
Terrific. If they had this in the old days, Mother Teresa wouldn’t have needed to use Baby Doc Duvalier’s private jet.
They also plan to buy a water bomber and drop thousands of gallons of Lourdes water on AIDS-affected parts of Africa. Of course, this will mean the end of disease, but since they’re against contraception, they’re still working on the famine part of the plan. I don’t know if Lourdes water is any good against famine.
Many thanks to Dickler for graphics