Benazir Bhutto

UPDATE Since this post was written, Benazir Bhutto has been murdered. The post about that is HERE.

Original postI’m out for a quiet evening with friends when my phone buzzes that irritating text-buzz that I must change some time.

It’s Colonel Bleep.

Watchin news from Karachi?, the message says.

Oh no! I think. Dear God, not again!

You see, in the old days, when Colonel Bleep was probably Corporal Bleep, and I was nobody at all — not even the disembodied internet presence I am today — we were in the habit of meeting up at an undisclosed watering hole during working hours, to discuss matters of great national and international import. And football. With drink. And driving.

We were a disgrace. I admit it, and we’re still a disgrace, with drink but without the driving. Did I mention being considerably older?

I digress.

In those days, meeting up at an undisclosed watering hole, we noticed a disturbing pattern emerging.

The first hint we noticed was just as Bleep was about to order our fourth round of drinks, when a hush fell over the pub. The barman turned up the news, and we learned of Indira Gandhi’s assassination. Now, I have to admit I was a little biased against Indira. It wasn’t too long since I’d read Midnight’s Children (. . . the Widow’s hair is green and black . . .) and my sleep patterns were just coming back to normal, so I wasn’t massively desolated by the news. But still, I had to admit it was a bit of a shock. After all, you couldn’t have all these Gandhis being assassinated all the time. And not just Gandhis! Ali Bhutto was whacked not all that long before, by Zia ul-Haq. What the hell was India coming to?

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Bleep turned to me. I turned to Bleep.

Jesus, that’s serious.



A short four years later, we found ourselves in the same undisclosed watering hole, tucking into our third round of pints when a hush fell over the pub and the barman turned up the news. General Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq had just been killed in a mysterious air-crash.

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Bleep looked at me. I looked back at Bleep.

Do you know what? he said.


These nefarious meetings of ours are having a disastrous effect on the Indian sub-continent.

True, I replied. Pint?


We never again met at that undisclosed watering-hole, and it seems to have worked, because there were no further assassinations of Indian or Pakistani leaders.

Well, that’s not strictly true. I thought I’d gloss quickly over the unexpected exit of Rajiv Gandhi the following year, but Devin was too quick for me and swiftly saw through my subterfuge. The truth is, we only had one quick shot at the bar, thinking it would take at least three to do any lasting damage. How wrong we were.

That was why Bleep’s text message worried me so much.

Karachi? I replied. You can’t mean . . . ?

Indeed, came the ominous reply. Benazir Bhutto convoy attacked.

But, I texted back, we’re not at the undisclosed watering hole.

Indeed not, answered Bleep. And just as well. Bhutto safe!

Thank God we never again drank in that pub.

See also

Benazir Bhutto Killed

Imagine being a dead Muslim

Peace, Freedom and Democracy

kick it on

13 thoughts on “Benazir Bhutto

  1. Where were you drinking on November 22nd 1963? More importantly, where were you on the night Bobby Ewing came out of the shower and Pam awoke to discover it was all a dream and he hadn’t really died in a car crash? You and Bleep should drink in that place more often.

  2. thankgod there were only 120 odd people killed and it wasn’t serious, what did the silly woman expect?

  3. BtB: Which woman – Mother Teresa?

    PCB: That’s our regular now. The only places we avoid are pubs with a psychic connection to the political fault lines of the Indian sub-continent. They’re easy to spot: there’s a sign above the door saying “connected to Indian Sub-Continent politics”

    Knudsen: What’s 120 lives as long as Benazir is safe?

  4. Im really just sick of these surprise car bombs that miss the intended target. Jesus what does it take are the suicide bombers that fucking stupid they could not tell the difference between 126 innocent indians and one indian women on a big truck.

    Fucking religions should get better quality killers , can they not just ask god for some help.

  5. Fucking hell Sniffle..Bush sober is terrifying enough.

    Then again a pint might be just the thing he needs….

    ..broken over his head.

    Now Bock me old curry guzzler..where were you when Rajiv G. got nobbled? Theeenk wery care-full-eeee before answerink.

  6. Oh, all right. You got me. We slipped in for a quick snifter at an undisclosed watering hole. But it was only one, and we didn’t think it would do any harm…

    I’ve now fessed up and acknowledged our little error.

  7. HQ, since every time Bock goes drinking someone trys to assassinate a head of state, I thought that if he went bush drinking, ( in Limerick this means drinking cheap cider by a river bank or out in the fields) that something bad would happen to Georgie , but it didn’t work ……….. sorry……..

    Bock , a bit of advice please.

    Got this as comment on blog this morning and I’m not sure what to do with it. Do you know if it’s safe ? ( no slagging on anything being safe ! )

    “My Ghillie » Free style Hip Hop artiste formally known as daughter | | IP:

    […] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerpt ”

    And it quotes my posting. Do you know anything about this shit ?

  8. Sniffle, in regard to ure last part, these usually appear as a comment to try to get trackbacks to it’s own site and increase it’s link rating. Linkbait for want of another misused term.

    I usually smack these idgits with a blindness spell or smite with hellfire or a cyclone if I’m in the mood for weather magic but ordinary mortals just block the dumb things with Akismet (If you use wordpress). Dunno about blocking them or making them spam if ure using anything else.

  9. S&C: Delete the bastard

    Zucchini: My thoughts exactly

    Nut: That’s right. BB exploded onto the Pakistani political scene.

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