Mainstream Media Facing Jail
Posted on Thursday, October 25, 2007I bumped into Mainstream Mediaman today as I passed my local pub. He held a small hip-flask to his ear and shook his head while muttering low curses.
Ah, he shouted. Bock, me old pal. Evil Bock Slams Lesbian-Priest-Romp Perverts!
Oh Jesus, MMM, I groaned, have you been at another Official Opening?
Crooked Bastard in 38K Pay-Rise Disgrace, he replied. Fearless Journo Goes To Slammer.
Yeah, I said. So you’re really going to jail like Geraldine Kennedy?
Fuckin right, he replied. But I won’t go to jail with Geraldine Kennedy.
No?
No. They might make us share a cell and no human being could stand that. My nerve would crack. Worse, she might start to parade around the cell in her underwear. Or … or … worse still —
Aaarrgghh!!, I interrupted.
Mediaman ran into the road and held up the traffic. Miserable Wobbly Times Editor Shares Cell With Fearless Limerick Journo, he shouted at a school bus.
Please, I implored. MMM. Control yourself.
Ride in Every Wrinkle, Declares Grinning Local Hack, he shouted, as I pulled him away from the crying children.
Come on! He fixed me with a glittering eye, grabbed my elbow, steered me through the pub door and caught the barman’s glance with a deft arch of his brow.
Pint for my friend and a quadruple Bombay Sapphire for me! With whiskey. Oh, and a pint of drink. And a toasted prawn sandwich. And a bag of chips. And a big free plate of free lunch with invitations to free drinks on the side. Did I mention a pint of drink? Thanks.
So you’re not going to jail for exposing the truth and revealing the corruption at the heart of Irish society, like every other whistle-blower? I inquired.
No.
And you won’t be writing an impassioned piece about the lack of convictions for the real wrong-doers?
No.
Or about the fact that Ahern just gave himself a €38,000 pay increase, putting the Prime Minister of a tiny little country like ours on a higher salary than George Bush?
No.
Or the fact that Ahern accepted huge amounts of cash from big business and changed the tax laws to give them huge amounts of our money?
No.
About how the only people prosecuted in scandals like the Beef Tribunal and the Grangegorman murders were journalists and people who thought the sordid truth should come out?
No, he said. That’s for the Irish Times. They’re in Dublin, yeah? Where people get, like, proper UCD accents? When they move there? And proper government subsidies and everything, y’know, for trains? And trams? And tunnels? And stuff? Yeah?
He adjusted his braces and hitched up his ample trousers. Hey, I’m only a Limerick slugger so I just called Ahern a leech and left it at that.
No!! I was appalled.
Yeah, he confirmed.
You didn’t!
I did!
You said…?
Mainstream Mediaman blinked at me and picked at a crusted piece of smoked salmon stuck to his forehead. Yep. I said he was sucking Martin Cullen’s …eh, blood.
——————–
Stumble it!
October 25th, 2007
310,000 a year, no wonder he can’t remember a paltry 3,000 a few years back, he probably found it down the back of a sofa.
October 26th, 2007
Bock, I’m sitting in Narita airport in Japan, and the locals are staring at me wondering why the fuck I guffawed, (guffawed I tell you, not laughed or giggled), so loud.
Shit there’s coffee all over my keyboard.
October 26th, 2007
Brilliant! I’m sitting by myself in a totally silent bedroom and laughing out loud. You know something’s funny when you laugh aloud, alone in an empty room.
October 26th, 2007
brilliant bock! hilarious!
October 26th, 2007
Investigator’s report: “Official Opening of Pa Healy Road, Corbally at 3:00pm on Friday next the 2nd November by Willie O’Dea, Miniature for Defence and afterwards reception at Absolute Hotel, Sir Harry’s Mall”. He wouldn’t go to the Save our Slots Demo, don’t you think it would be fun if the Demo came to him. Any chance the journos would vacate their favourite watering hole and the Bombay Gin to give it up for Willie? Oh yeah probably, free food and drink at the jollies afterwards. Copy SOS org. Also, Open Draw for boxing match with Willie at 5:00pm. Slueth
October 26th, 2007
QJS, will Willie be bringing Dermot Aherne on this date?
October 27th, 2007
i love the conversations you have, sugar! ;-)
October 28th, 2007
Shrub’s friends in the oil business have siphoned plenty off for him from marauding around in Iraq no doubt.
Bertie has incredible balls nonetheless.
October 28th, 2007
I thought it was called Da Awl Bidness?