The Real Macaque: Mad Monkeys Murder Mayor
Posted on Tuesday, October 23, 2007I see Delhi is overrun by hordes of crazed, homicidal rhesus macaque monkeys. The other day, they attacked Delhi’s deputy mayor, SS Bajwa, who suffered fatal head injuries when he fell off a balcony trying to escape from them.
The Delhi authorities have even tried to use bigger, tougher monkeys 
to scare them off, and it worked for a while but the relief was only temporary. The little shits started to cooperate and eventually, by sheer weight of numbers, they overpowered the ferocious langur monkeys working for the City.
It seems these little muggers are everywhere, attacking people, stealing food, behaving like complete bastards, breeding uncontrollably and with no respect for any kind of authority. They have a sense of entitlement but no understanding of responsibility. They’re infesting the corridors of government buildings and the civil servants have to run between offices for safety. You can’t just go out and shoot them, because Hindus revere them as symbols of Hanuman, the monkey-god, and commonly hand out food to them without regard for the consequences.
We have a problem something like that in Ireland, but we call them 
scumbags. Just like the monkeys, they feel entitled to be fed and housed, though they don’t know why. And just like the monkeys, they have no sense of responsibility because they don’t think they’re part of the society that feeds them. We can’t shoot them either because our High Priests of political correctness wouldn’t stand for it. The scumbags are seen as symbolic of the lowlife-god: Knackerman, and the government honours them by giving them free houses and money.
It’s considered bad form to ask scumbags how they can afford a BMW.
(In fairness to the monkeys, at least they’re regular blood-donors).
Stumble it!
October 23rd, 2007
Okay, that is so funny, well done bock.
October 24th, 2007
That woman looks like an orange Mivvy.
October 24th, 2007
Who are those two, and to which protected species or genus do they belong? Knackeris Foulistica? Skangerata Skobaceata? Scumbagi Scambugii?
October 24th, 2007
They’re actually a closely-related species:
Chavvus Britannicus.
October 24th, 2007
All I could think of was - imagine trying to teach THEIR kids - shudder, shiver, groan….
October 24th, 2007
why were they so upset, sugar?
October 24th, 2007
Mairéad: Teach? Surely not. Restrain, maybe.
Savannah: Don’t know. Scumbags are always pissed off about something.
October 30th, 2007
Bock, you don’t think it might have been something to do with telling them you were studying their similarities to monkeys?
Beamers = regurge. Try hards.