Bullet Gets A New Guitar
Posted on Thursday, December 20, 2007The Bullet went out and bought himself a Les Paul. Now, admittedly, it isn’t a Gibson. It’s an Epiphone, but hey, what the fuck? He’s fifteen, for fucksake!
He doesn’t put it down. He sleeps with it. We need a surgeon. A guitar surgeon: Doctor Feelgood.
Well, Bullet, I said. What do you reckon?
Oh, he said, it’s amazing.
Better than the Cort-X?
Oh, Jeez, way better.
Excellent, I told him.
We sat there for a while as he ran off a series of deeply impressive licks that I could never play if I live to be a thousand and four.
Only thing, he said.
Yeah?
Well, he said, it’s kinda sharper. You know?
Sound? I asked.
No. Edges. The Cort-X is shaped better. This digs into your ribs.
Go to bed, I told him. I have to be up early.
When he was gone, I sneaked into the workshop and took down my heavy-duty belt-sander.
Then I clamped the guitar in the bench, and ground away the back of the guitar until it was nice and smooth. While I was at it, I ground down the bridge. I know he didn’t ask for it, but it’s nice to do things for your kids. After all the grinding, as any caring Dad would do, I spray-painted the guitar with some old auto primer I had lying around and packed the holes with filler.
I’m sure he’ll be delighted when he wakes up.
Don’t you think?
It was the least I could do.
Stumble it!
December 20th, 2007
White stripes = Led Zeppelin. I know, you know, does Bullet know? If I could only play the grinder, I’d be musical.
December 20th, 2007
I remember my first pair of Doc Martin boots and my Dad one night giving them a polish and putting the black all over the yellow stitching .I was nearly in tears, like it was the end of the world. I must find something I can do for my boys to remember me by.
December 20th, 2007
Sniffle: I know that and so does Bullet. But a bit different too.
Woody: That’s a serious bummer. I would, ungratefully, have tried to kill him.
December 20th, 2007
Ahhh. I know where he’s going wrong. Les Pauls are to be played, slung low on a strap, dangling somewhere between your crotch and knees.
I’m sure it said so in the ‘How To Rock’ manual that Bullet will have received. If not, see here for instructions on how to rock (and some spiffy pants)
December 20th, 2007
You should be imprisoned for what you did to that instrument. You are to guitars what Josef Mengele was to the human race.
December 20th, 2007
I hope you didn’t forget to apply a bit of torque to the neck joint, justt to tighten it up a little…
December 20th, 2007
Whew! Thank goodness you talked him out of the other one.
December 20th, 2007
You’ve shown the Bock soft side finally. These are the moments ye’ll treasure for the rest of ye’re lives. Well done. You better remember to tune it, though, before he wakes up..
I’ve arranged for a 100 foot lead for my lads new axe. That way I can get the amp well into the neighbours over the back wall should need arise…
December 21st, 2007
Dr Feelgood hey.
Nice to see there are some Motley Crue fans out there Bock.
December 21st, 2007
Not to mention Dr Feelgood fans.
December 23rd, 2007
Can’t beat a Les, even an Epiphone. Most guitarists can’t handle the heavy beast, but it sounds so good, once tamed.
Jaysus, I would have killed to have any sorta Les when I was a kid. I was 26 before I could afford my L P Standard. May he enjoy for many years.
December 23rd, 2007
Please tell me that simply isn’t true what you did to your son’s guitar? He will be scarred for life. And I agree with Jimmy - he needs to play it very low slung and whizz away at it like Pete Townsend..
December 23rd, 2007
He’ll be all the stronger for it when he realises it was the right thing to do.