That’s it, says the Green Party. No more with the light bulbs.
What? shout the Plain People of Ireland. But that’s the end of dimmed lights. What’ll we do for ambience?
You can the thousands of little LEDs in your ceiling put, says the Green Party. They just as good are with the light making.
No they’re not. They’re a horrible greeny blue colour and they make my face look all blotchy and that’s not the sort of thing you need over a smoochy dinner with subdued lighting and cheesy old mood music.
Silence! says the Green Party. We know what’s best. We know all, for we are earnest young men with bicycles. And of course the clipboards which cannot be avoided, but with the mass rounding-ups of dissidents are the needful but regrettable tool. Now the information: you can use CFLs instead. We have romance-calibrated them. We have a sample of 563 romances carefully studied and observe that 95% of them were unaffected by our lighting recommendations.
But I can’t dim these lights.
Keep a range of them in your pocket, and if a romantic moment seems to be on the point of happening, simply jump up quickly and replace the light with a weaker one. What could be easier?
Aren’t those CFLs made from poisonous mercury? And don’t they come all the way from China?
Silence! You are questioning established Green Theology and this is not, in the New Ireland, permitted.
But I have lots of lights.
You have more than one light in your house? More?? Than one???
There will a visit come from our highly-trained band of earnest and sincere young greenness auditors. They will inspect you.
You mean inspect my house.
No. They will inspect you for the correct thinking and readjust you if necessary. In the Green Camp with the others who are not the Greenthink agreeing with, for their own good. You seem to have wandered off the true green path, my friend, but we have ways of making your mind right. Don’t worry. We know what’s best for you. And your family and your friends and your neighbours and their families and their friends and their friends’ neighbours …