Green Party Says “No!” to Romance

 Posted by on January 11, 2008  Add comments
Jan 112008
 

That’s it, says the Green Party. No more with the light bulbs.

What? shout the Plain People of Ireland. But that’s the end of dimmed lights. What’ll we do for ambience?

You can the thousands of little LEDs in your ceiling put, says the Green Party. They just as good are with the light making.

No they’re not. They’re a horrible greeny blue colour and they make my face look all blotchy and that’s not the sort of thing you need over a smoochy dinner with subdued lighting and cheesy old mood music.

Silence! says the Green Party. We know what’s best. We know all, for we are earnest young men with bicycles. And of course the clipboards which cannot be avoided, but with the mass rounding-ups of dissidents are the needful but regrettable tool. Now the information: you can use CFLs instead. We have romance-calibrated them. We have a sample of 563 romances carefully studied and observe that 95% of them were unaffected by our lighting recommendations.

But I can’t dim these lights.

Keep a range of them in your pocket, and if a romantic moment seems to be on the point of happening, simply jump up quickly and replace the light with a weaker one. What could be easier?

Aren’t those CFLs made from poisonous mercury? And don’t they come all the way from China?

Silence! You are questioning established Green Theology and this is not, in the New Ireland, permitted.

But I have lots of lights.

You have more than one light in your house? More?? Than one???

Eh, yes.

There will a visit come from our highly-trained band of earnest and sincere young greenness auditors. They will inspect you.

You mean inspect my house.

No. They will inspect you for the correct thinking and readjust you if necessary. In the Green Camp with the others who are not the Greenthink agreeing with, for their own good. You seem to have wandered off the true green path, my friend, but we have ways of making your mind right. Don’t worry. We know what’s best for you. And your family and your friends and your neighbours and their families and their friends and their friends’ neighbours …


Maman Poulet

Global Warming Politics

  21 Responses to “Green Party Says “No!” to Romance”

Comments (21)
  1.  

    There are dimmable CFLS – still pretty new to the market though.

    http://www.1000bulbs.com/Dimmable-Compact-Fluorescent-Bulbs/?gclid=CLD6qsnd7pACFUtyOAodsk371A

  2.  

    damn right.. I’ll think we’ll have to rethink that one.. Thanks bock.

  3.  

    “There are dimmable CFLS”

    Oh, me happy now.

  4.  

    Watch what you say, Bock. They might “recycle” you.

  5.  

    Me’s a big fan of these energy saving lightbulbs though. We put them everywhere, a few tinted ones that makes the light coming out look tungsteny and for the non-tinted ones we just put them behind a forgiving lampshade and it’s fine. They are saving us about 40% on our electricity bills, give or take, and that’s not to be sneezed at. Part of the thing is, apparantly, that they don’t come on at full peep, but warm up to full luminescence after a moment or too. This apparantly saves the whole lot of excess surge energy we lose when we switch a normal lightbulb on. I’ll be looking out for the dimmable ones though.

    And I mean, we gotta start somewhere, don’t we, folks? It’s irritating being told what you should be doing by some smug little oik with a badge and a clipboard, but he’d be irritating doing something else anyway, if he wasn’t being irritating doing this. I say, thank God, they’ve only put him/her/whatevahs in charge of lightbulbs. Maybe they could harness all that smug energy though! Maybe they could get him out puffing at windmills, or he could suck on a lorry tailpipe or something.

  6.  

    I can’t believe people still use top-lighting in their homes. It’s disgusting. The trick is to have a few low-level little lamps scattered around the place and take the bulb out of the centre-ceiling so nobody can ever cast you in bad light.

    Top-lighting is horrible and unnecessary, even when it’s dimmed. I’m all for energy-savers. You CAN get them in a range of watts, right?

    Uh-oh.

  7.  

    You don’t need to dim them, there’s toss-all light out of them anyway. 100W equivalent me arse.

  8.  

    you can light candles instead. more enviro-friendly and the ladies love them supposedly

  9.  

    I’m with you Sam, we saved a ton of money on our elec bill by switching to CFL’s, and 5 years later the first one just died. On a side note, we bought an 80 year old house and over the last few years, insulated it, changed the windows, installed a new heater, and got new applicances – our electricity bill is 7

  10.  

    I’m with you Sam, we saved a ton of money on our elec bill by switching to CFL’s, and 5 years later the first one just died. On a side note, we bought an 80 year old house and over the last few years, insulated it, changed the windows, installed a new heater, and got new applicances – our electricity bill is reduced by 70 %, our heating bill is tiny.

  11.  

    Naaah, Green party says ‘yeeees’ to romance!! mmooaaaah.. :)

  12.  

    “you can light candles instead. more enviro-friendly and the ladies love them supposedly”

    There is *nothing* on god’s earth worse than getting up in the morning, stumbling into the bathroom, automatically facing the mirror and pulling the chord that turns on the fluorescent strip on top. It’s a wallop to the self esteem that can last all day. Dreadful unspeakable things!

    And another thing: My mother told me years ago that *her* mother never did as much cleaning as she did. I said, “Really?? Why not?” and she said, “You couldn’t see as much dust as you can nowadays. And you couldn’t see cobwebs at all”.

  13.  

    maybe this will bring back more use of candles , they are more romantic anyway

  14.  

    I was thinking maybe nuclear-powered candles might be nice.

  15.  

    yes. that’s a perfect political compromise.
    and you could light up musgrave park with them

  16.  

    (sorry, thomond park, I know how sensitive you are about that in Limerick)

  17.  

    Just as well you corrected that, pretty damn quick, or you could find yourself surrounded by henchmen.

    Thomond Park, by the way, will be the centre of some fairly serious activity next weekend after today’s result. Woo-ha!

  18.  

    Yes, Ronan’s new headband made all the difference on sunday.

  19.  

    Candles are better for romance anyway, get some tallow ones, burn an animal :-) It is possible to get warm light LEDs, but the light output is still way too low. And you can get thyristor based CFL dimmers. But for romance purposes, burn an animal.

  20.  

    is that legal?

  21.  

    Oh yeah. Nothing like a blazing, radioactive cow on your living room floor.

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