What’s All This Flu Shit?
Posted on Tuesday, January 8, 2008Jesus, is everybody sick lately?
You can’t go anywhere at the moment without meeting some miserable, gloomy old face.
Howya?
Sick.
Flu?
Yeah.
Don’t get me wrong, now. I’m not belittling anyone’s experience: I spent the last week on the flat of my back myself, but come on! What’s all this universal malaise? Was the whole country laid out at exactly the same time for an entire week?
A standard conversation is taking place right across our land at the moment.
How’s work?
Dunno. I was out.
Sick?
Yeah. Chest infection.
Me too. Half the country has it. And him over there. And them. And the kids. And my mother. And the dogs. And the alligator.
I was talking to the bank manager. He said the entire banking system collapsed because there was nobody in the whole world at work and Wall Street crashed, and there was nearly a world war, but all the soldiers were too sick to fight, so they cancelled the war.
Flu?
Yeah.
And al-Qaeda as well?
Yeah. Terrorists were all sick in bed as well, with hot whiskeys.
I thought they weren’t allowed whiskey.
No. It’s ok when you have … you know …
Flu?
Yeah. Flu.
…
Suddenly, everyone’s a microbiologist: It’s a virus.
Can’t be. I got an antibiotic and it went away. Antibiotics only work with bacteria.
Best thing for it is a sauna. Sweat it out.
That’s right. Sweat. Stops it going to your chest.
How?
Dunno.
That’s bullshit. How the fuck could steam stop a live pathogen?
True. I swear by whiskey and lemon and honey. Anyway, I couldn’t go to the doctor.
No?
No. He’s sick.
Flu?
Yeah.
Jesus, half the country has it.
Stumble it!
January 8th, 2008
They’re SAD Bock. It happens every January. Seasonally Affected Disorder, or as I prefer it, Sickness After December.
January 8th, 2008
Silly Billies. All they needed was a nose bidet
January 8th, 2008
Eolai: I think that can be fixed with a flash-light, or a candle or something.
Sam: Did you ever snort tequila?
January 8th, 2008
Any comments I make will just sound stupid with a name like Sneeze.
January 8th, 2008
In the townland where I was raised it was the old people believed a hot whisky made with Holy Water was the best medecine for the Cold or Flu.
Now personally I was alwaws sceptical and oft wondered if the Holy Water’s quality, strenght, etc depended on any of the following
How often it was blessed
The number of priests that blessed it
how close the priest was when he blessed it
how much of it he blessed
how much salt he put in it
if it were diluted by ordinary water
if some of it evaporates was its essence increased
if it mixed with sea water did its holyness diminsh per litel milliliter etc
how much of shoulf you use
how often it was used
As an older boy I concluded that we are surrounded by holy water and that all water in the world must be “holy water” which led me to ponder why anyone would keep blessing it other to meet the expectation of the rictual.
Even with all this holy water around it still did not keep a lot of evil shit from happening, no not caused by demons, devils, bad spirits, but grown men in black clothes who should have known better
January 8th, 2008
You must have been reading early Bock and now you’re quoting it back at me. What the fuck is going on here, John?
January 8th, 2008
no Bock I have not studied your teachings extensively.
I just have a need to kill an odd dragon and slaughter the odd sacred cow.
I got kicked off Pplitics.ie the other day after 48 hours and about 130 posts.
They were really pissed about ny questions about the angelous
January 8th, 2008
Should the President invite the Pastafarians to participate in cermonies with the leaders of the other religions at occasions of State.
Would it enrich our democracy,and demonstrate that all faiths were held in the same esteem by the state.
many of the people were not initially familiar with the pastafarian faith. and were most intolerant after they carried out some research.
January 8th, 2008
I wouldn’t be boasting about a thing like that, John, if I were you. And by the way, this was a post about the flu. What the fuck is all this religion shit? If you want to slaughter sacred cows, do it in someone else’s abattoir.
January 8th, 2008
After visiting politics.ie and looking at his behaviour over there, I’ve decided John Kalahan is a spamming arsehole, and I’ve sin-binned him.
Anyway he was starting to get on my nerves.
Mwoohahaha!
January 9th, 2008
[– I’m John Kalahan using a different name and, because I’m completely stupid, I thought you wouldn’t notice me making a fucking fool of myself.– ]
January 9th, 2008
I feel fucking great! just wanted to share that……
January 9th, 2008
Good to hear it, Manuel.
January 9th, 2008
I suppose there’s that thing about living on an island…
January 9th, 2008
I, too, am feeling oddly spiffing while all around are coughing up pats of greenish butter and sniffling away great rivers of snot.
It’s unusual, as I’m generally more pale and sickly than the masses at this time of year. I’m putting it down to the new vitamins.
January 9th, 2008
Not to try to rub it in or anything. Never fuck with karma.
January 9th, 2008
In work, norovirus did the rounds just before Christmas, this week it seems to be throats that are the problem and we have one girl off with pneumonia but she always has to be better than everyone else……
January 9th, 2008
My hypochondriacal Daily Mail-reading mother (I know - the shame) told me that all these viruses were spread by the government to control us. So why aren’t the teenagers who keep stabbing each other for nothing staying in with the flu then?! I too am feeling rather smug not having contracted anything bad apart from one hangover around New Year - yet. Of course now I have stated that I will no doubt be vomitting down the big white telephone like the rest of the state controlled nation within the next 48 hrs. Got to go - feel a bit sick…;-)
January 9th, 2008
I’m waiting until I have some time off before I get sick–as all self-employed people do.
Meanwhile, have your sick friends ever tried Dr. Stephen (I’m not kidding) Langer’s remedy? The, ahem, ‘Langer Method’ involves regularly sucking on a hair dryer (I’m still not kidding). This sounds right up your alley, Bock!
January 10th, 2008
“do it in someone else’s abattoir”
Harr!
“regularly sucking on a hair dryer (I’m still not kidding)”
Don’t believe you. I’ll go have a look. I hope it’s another laugh. I ran short today.
April 27th, 2008
hi ame kua ker rahe ho ape mo je batao
April 27th, 2008
Suddenly, everyone’s a microbiologist: It’s a virus.
Can’t be. I got an antibiotic and it went away. Antibiotics only work with bacteria.
Best thing for it is a sauna. Sweat it out.
That’s right. Sweat. Stops it going to your chest.
How?
Dunno.
That’s bullshit. How the fuck could steam stop a live pathogen?
True. I swear by whiskey and lemon and honey. Anyway, I couldn’t go to the doctor.
No?
No. He’s sick.
Flu?
Yeah.
Jesus, half the country has it.
mustafa