Charlton Heston — Plan A of the Apes
Posted on Sunday, April 6, 2008Charlton Heston is dead.
He died clutching a machine gun and a bazooka. He’ll be laid out in a coffin shaped like a cluster bomb, wearing his favourite flak jacket and gripping a sniper rifle. His journey to the afterlife will be made safer by the Ruger SR9 he wears strapped to his hip as well as his knife, club and personal holy hand-grenades. For added safety and comfort, the casket is fitted with surface-to-air missiles.
Mr Heston has donated his hands to the NRA museum, where a special chiller cabinet has been installed to display them holding his rifle. An annual competition will take place and anyone who can prise the weapon from his cold, dead hands will be permitted to keep it, and will be made a life member of the NRA. A special prosthetic pair of hands has been created from a life-like rubber compound to hold the weapon in the casket.
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Previously on Bock
The Second Amendment
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Elsewhere: Manuel Estimulo
Stumble it!
April 6th, 2008
I humbly and completely disagree with your assesment of Mr. Heston. He was a great man who fought hard all his life for the rights that are being eroded in our country. He marched with Dr. Martin Luther King and he was president of the NRA. Both of these activities were to bring to the forefront the struggle that takes place every day to make sure our God given rights don’t fall to the way side.
April 6th, 2008
Jesus, Brian, I had a feeling you’d comment but that was fuckin fast! Are you really the CIA? Go on: you can tell me.
April 6th, 2008
All that firepower and the Scythe still got him.
Oh.and those in the know just say “CIA”.The ‘the’ is redundant.
April 6th, 2008
No, Devin. I’m not asking Brian if he’s CIA. I’m asking him if he IS the CIA.
April 6th, 2008
Obviously Death is pro-gun control then.
April 7th, 2008
he should have lived in Belfast with an attitude like his….never liked the man
April 7th, 2008
You don’t want to remember Ben Hur or The 10 Commandments or any of his famous lines like…IT’S PEOPLE, IT’S PEOPLE!!! Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! or maybe his even more famous line from Planet of the Apes…DAMN YOU! DAMN YOUS TO HELL!
Oh and no Bock, I am not the CIA but would you please move closer to the flowers on your desk when you speak.
April 7th, 2008
And move into your cross-hairs? I don’t know about that.
April 7th, 2008
I heard his final words were ” Get your hands off me you damn dirty angels!”
Brian, Heston was an actor. We elected an actor to lead our country almost 30 years ago. Has anything trickled down to you yet? I’m wondering also about the God-given rights you speak of. It’s been a while but I don’t recall any passages in the Bible about the right to bear arms. God doesn’t give us our rights, we must give them to ourselves, as privileges, and also give them to everyone else on the planet. If we do not grant them to all, then they are just special privileges.
What rights or privileges would you have that you would be unwilling to give me if I chose to believe in some other diety and not your god?
April 7th, 2008
Mr T has a point there Bock. You’ve got to give him that.
April 7th, 2008
Charleton Heston put his Vest-on..
It was made of Kevlar…
I saw the cold the dead hands joke coming a mile off Bock but i still laughed out loud…
The Omega Man is ,by the way, my favourite Heston movie ,beats the Shit out of that Will Smith Crap that came out at Christmas..
April 7th, 2008
El Cid.
April 7th, 2008
Maybe they’ll strap him to a horse.
April 7th, 2008
As long as the horse’s name is Hokum.
April 7th, 2008
I doubt his being president of the NRA convinced people either way. I thought it was ugly of Michael Moore to go after him in Bowling For Columbine though. He’d already come out as having Alzheimer’s. BfC was a good film but I thought Moore went too far in hounding a confused old man like that.
April 7th, 2008
Moore’s behaviour in that part of the film was embarrassing, and I thought he spoiled a good picture by ambushing Heston.
However, when Moses was shouting about rifles, he was still in the whole of his health, and he remainsl an iconic figure for people who prefer to see unlimited access to weaponry.
April 7th, 2008
heheheheheeee
very good, bock
that clip still brings chills to my spine though…. eeeew.
April 7th, 2008
God given right my ass! all of the college kids killed at northern illinois unversity were killed by a physophath who excercised his God given right.
April 7th, 2008
If I don’t believe in god does that mean that I have no god given rights ?
April 7th, 2008
It does.
Lucky you believe in Satan!
April 7th, 2008
Brianf, whatever about god given rights to maintain arms, is correct that Heston marched with Martin Luther King and donated money to the civil rights movement when it was potential career death to do so. A much greater legacy than his NRA stuff.
April 10th, 2008
Ye’re all off the wall. It’s the right to ARM BEARS. And now that Homo sapiens has virtually destroyed the planet … Now is the time to use that God-given right.
Rise up and arm the bears!