Out cycling in the lovely sunny weather
Posted on Tuesday, May 6, 2008The weather is just beautiful. Gorgeous! Lovely!
The weather is so nice that I decided to finally start my fitness regime with a nice long cycle. It was great. I cycled all over the place, meeting people, taking pictures, admiring the world as it bursts into greenness. A long, long cycle.
The weather was so lovely, in fact, and I cycled so far, that I now have a savage, crippling pain in my arse.
Does anyone know a cure for hard-saddle-induced severe arse-pain?
Can you die from it?
Stumble it!
YOU'VE BEEN SHOUTING ABOUT ...
May 6th, 2008
Good for you getting out on the bike. Feel the same myself after my triathlon. A good saddle and bike fit is the cure. Most people don’t have the bike fit correctly, and their riding position is not ergonomic creating a lot of body discomfort. A reputable bike shop can help, but even then most bike shops don’t do a great job, and a pro fit is pricey and not worth it unless you have a good bike. Regardless getting a good saddle with a groove in the middle will defo help with arse pain.
May 6th, 2008
Bock, you are either suffering from bruising or “nappy rash”
If you’re sore in a “crease” (rather than a groove) then its rash. the prevention is something like Vaseline to stop water collecting in areas. The cure is; nappy rash cream.I like Weleda, others prefer sudocreme.
If its bruising, you’re on your own
May 6th, 2008
Only one cure I’m aware of Bock.
Just be careful not to apply directly to the afflicted arse or you will indeed die a horrible roaring death.
If you’re just off the bike and still warm, stretch your legs as far as possible, if you can point them in the direction of the nearest favourite pub. Stand at the bar preferably sans helmet and cycling gear. Cider with ice and a drop of raspberry cordial will help dilate the arse and prevent piles while reducing body temperature. Under no circumstances should you drink more than three pints of Chateau Clonmel otherwise the pain in your gut will begin to resemble that of your arse.
Secondly, attempt to sit - very carefully - on a soft cushioned seat. Apply one pint of Guinness (or the Cork stuff) to oral orifice at least three to four times every hour at varying intervals. Continue dosage and add ear massage by live musician(s) if possible. To test pain threshold, upon hearing the theme music for “Coronation Street” rise slowly from seat and aim careful boot at idiot-box in corner of room - destroying same. Should the offending sound cease, return to seat and apply more creamed black liquid, you will find talking utter shite will also relieve some of the pain, as the condition is contagious.
Do not attempt to overdose on the cure for Arsitis Chronicus by staying on in premises until all hours and drawing wrath of the staff upon you, as this could lead to your being fucked out on your…..and then you have to start all over again.
May 6th, 2008
John: I have another saddle. Must fit it. The bike is only an average old donkey, not a fancy-dan racer like serious people have.
Will: looks like I’m on my own then, but thanks.
Hoof: best suggestion yet.
May 6th, 2008
If the knot in your bum travels up to your heart, then yes, Bock, I’m afraid you could die.
You must immediately have a bit of a lie down - being horizontal will help the pain knot dissipate naturally with out the threat of a breakaway bit rocketing up to your heart or brain. Tea and toast are a great knot-loosening snack.
May 6th, 2008
More cycling is generally the fix.
May 6th, 2008
ProblemChild: Thanks, but I have to build a stone wall now. I hope the cycling-knot doesn’t kill me before I finish the wall.
Thriftcriminal: Fair enough. But not tonight, maybe?
May 6th, 2008
I was gonna say exactly what Thriftcriminal said……it works for me. I’m new to that cycling lark too and know how you feel…..or how your arse feels…well I don’t know how your arse FEELS……aw you know what I mean…
May 6th, 2008
Aquaasho: Nice variation on “I feel your pain”.
I feel your arse.
May 7th, 2008
You could get those padded bike shorts, Bock. Not the skin tight spandex things but they also making a padded style in a regular looking pair of shorts.
May 7th, 2008
I’m more a kind of jeans-and-tee-shirt cyclist, to be perfectly straight with you now. Can’t see myself wearing any of the gear.
May 7th, 2008
I know a thing or two about arses. And about cycling.
It’s hard to give the best answer because you asked for a cure, and prevention would be the way to go where possible. But the details of prevention are boring, taking in your cycling position, the bike dimensions, your preferred clothing, saddle types, ointments, and the distance and frequency of your cycles.
But as for a cure for the bruising kind of pain you have reported (over and above the soreness that’s nasty to describe):
1. Stop cycling.
2. Apply time.
May 7th, 2008
What about a nappy?!
May 7th, 2008
Eolaí: Big improvement today, but I will fit that other saddle.
Gilly: No need. I went for another cycle today without too much pain.
May 8th, 2008
I’m not sure if your arse every truly gets used to it. That’s why those guys with the shaved legs have the padded spandex type things.Even worse if you have a boney bum. I don’t know why they can’t made the saddles a bit more bum friendly.
May 11th, 2008
I would suggest you steer clear of the local, if you wish to avoid encountering a ‘pain in the arse.’