A question for you
Posted on Friday, June 27, 2008Here’s a question for you:
Why can’t women work a toilet seat?
To help with this, I’ve prepared a training course. Furthermore, though most men are already familiar with the mysteries of a hinge, they’ll be welcome to attend as a refresher, but I see this course mainly having benefits in helping women to understand that it’s as easy to put a toilet seat up as it is to put it down.
Are you ready?
Here’s a picture of a toilet seat raised.
We call this position UP.
Everyone ok with that?
Good. Now here’s a picture of a toilet seat lowered.
We call this position DOWN.
Right. Let’s all take a break here and study the course material.
We’ll have a short exam tomorrow.
Stumble it!
June 27th, 2008
Cos it’s men’s work apparently. It’s right up there with mowing the grass and getting the drinks in….
June 27th, 2008
It’s about asthetics lads…
The unit is designed to have the seat down. Check the rounded edges of the toilet seat, the overall appeal of the unit with seat up or seat down.
Or alternatively, get up in the middle of the night, having answered the 3rd call from your wakeful kids, stumble, (blinded by exhaustion) to the bathroom, sit down unaware and meet the shock of cold ceramic applied to your tailend….
It’s not a big request. Nothing earth shattering. Please, for the sake of a tired woman’s cold bum or a child accidentally falling in!
Put down the bloody seat!
June 27th, 2008
why do the men have to check when they’re finished using it. Why dont the ladies check before they use it. surely it’s whoever it’s more important to should do the checking.
June 27th, 2008
By the way I do put the cover down myself - saw a program once that explained that the cover should be down before flushing to avoid all those nasty germs flying around the room and landing on your toothbrush. The microscope images still haunt me.
So use Oral healtcare as the reason to put it down rather then cos you got a cold/wet bum
June 27th, 2008
We can, we just don’t like to when it’s covered in pee!
Also it keeps the aroma in the bowl when the lads “forget” to flush after use!
Also, I’d rather not have my toothbrush sprayed with toliet bits when they do flush - a la lid up mode.
What’s that you say… lads don’t do that? Every male I’ve ever known well enough to know their peeing methodologies - grandfathers, uncles, father, brothers, husband, sons, nephews, cousins - the whole lot of them pee in the general direction of the bowl and walk off. One of the females goes in later and mutters obscenities to herself, but usually cleans it up, and knows she’ll have a place in heaven. Once in a while, she just blows up and screeches at the males. It might be hormonal, it might be the thousandth clean up that sets her off. I dunno. They improve for a while after an ear-bashing from a she-devil but always revert.
I’m with CB, is it really too much to ask the lads to put down the seat after them? Please? Pretty please? It means a lot to us. That cold ceramic shock to the bum (often wet!!! ugh!!) is just naaasty.
While ye’re at it, could ye please, please, please change the toilet roll if ye use the last bit. PLEASE?
By the way, I think that the answer to one question is always a good indicator of a household that shares the housekeeping equally: Who cleans the toilet? In our house it’s ALWAYS either me or my girl child. The lads just don’t see the point! We go on strike once in a while, but the cunning boys know that if they wait it out long enough we will get tired of their treacly residue in the loo and just clean the damn thing!
Let’s do a swop. Lads will promise to always put down the toilet seat after use, clean any “poor aim droplets” and replace the toilet roll when they finish the last one. Maybe even clean the loo 50% of the time? How about that? What would you like in return? Fair’s fair.
June 27th, 2008
It’s different in my house. My stepdaughter is the one that pisses on the toilet seat and I’m the only one that changes the loo roll.
June 27th, 2008
Once you’ve had kids that have a tendency to either deliberately throw things in, or accidentally knock/drop things (like your toothbrush) in the toilet, the lid always goes down when you’ve finished.
June 27th, 2008
It’s easy….”The !inge like to whinge if she dealin wit da hinge.”There will always be ups and downs in your life and the fucking toilet seat is one of them.
June 27th, 2008
True, Mr Ayres, but that’s an additional complexity, and therefore possibly a different question.
June 27th, 2008
Umm……never mind.
June 27th, 2008
Lid != Seat
Therein lies the problem.
June 27th, 2008
Can’t agree with you there. The lid is a separate issue.
June 27th, 2008
No, the lid is crucial to the issue! After every evacuation, male or female, the lid should be returned to the down position prior to flushing to prevent Mairead’s toilet bits (not her’s personally of course, but the bits to which she referred) from atomising off onto the sink and the microwave and whatever else people keep in their bathrooms.
June 27th, 2008
Are you saying that the lid is what they want us to put down, and not the seat? You see, that’s not what I’ve been told up to now.
June 27th, 2008
Ya Bock the lid - so you’ll have to get another picture for your training course!
We’ll all be happy then because the seat has to be down for the lid to be down.
Sorted!
Amazing how a bit of a chat can sort out a lifetime of misunderstandings!
June 28th, 2008
Three boys, two gals in our house. Shit happens. Live and let live. No one ever died from urine poisoning of the thigh.
Good one Bock. Not as good as Lennie.
June 28th, 2008
Hey, what can I do? I’m only human.
June 29th, 2008
Did you know? Some genius has invented a toilet bowl with a fly printed on the ceramic, near the bottom-back of the bowl. As we all know (and I’m quite jealous about this) males can pee in a specific direction. And apparently most males, upon seeing the ‘fly’, attempt to hit it. Can’t resist. Male instinct. See a fly, pee on it. Like writing in the snow.
Result: no pee on the bowl edges, and even (hopefully) no poor-aim-droplets on the floor either. It doesn’t solve the seat-down problem, but it does save the female (who will inevitably be cleaning the toilet …) quite so much misery.
Unfortunately, I think they’re in a public loo in Denmark or somewhere. Dunno if you can buy them for beleaguered domestic goddesses to install at home.
June 29th, 2008
Surely an indellible marker and a bit of imagination would solve the aim problem?
The seat/lid might require some slightly more complicated hydrolix.
June 29th, 2008
Benny, I wouldn’t recommend complicated hydrolix in this situation. It raises some terrible potential scenarios.
June 29th, 2008
Perhaps also a side panel with a combination lock in deference to the Papal Conclave Throne of earlier times.
Benny pendentes, have a nice day.
June 29th, 2008
Found it.
“Apparently, installation of these urinals has reduced ’splashback’ by 80% in Amsterdam’s airport”
June 29th, 2008
A case of having a pee “on the fly”?
June 30th, 2008
Seat down, lid down…lessens the chance of things falling in…including self, late at night, after a few beers…
although, all things said…I’m still grateful to be using indoor plumbing! ;)
June 30th, 2008
eh, so why was the thing designed with a seat? I’d say because it’s supposed to be used. Call me old fashioned…
July 2nd, 2008
Very late to this… here’s what I don’t understand: Women want the seat down to avoid the touch of cold ceramic in the night… but they don’t sit on the lid by mistake if the lid is down? How can that be?
July 2nd, 2008
That’s the conundrum, Conan.
July 3rd, 2008
Ah, Conan, it has happened that the ladies would occasionally sit on the lid by mistake. But no sooner has the contact been made, then it’s off the lid as if being hit by and electric current. The reason for this is snatch contact to seat, which doesn’t happen with the lid. Sorry if that’s close to the bone, but you did ask. :-)