Bock Goes To A Birthday party
Posted on Sunday, June 22, 2008What’s wrong with rain?
I like the Blade Runner kind of rain we got last night. For me, it adds an edge to the evening, and I like to imagine that Harrison Ford will burst out of a wardrobe and blast one of my friends with a .44 Magnum.
Jesus, I never knew Tommy was an android!
Yeah. Hard to tell them from humans these days.
Shit. I’ll miss Tommy.
Yeah.
Skin-job, huh?
Yeah.
Shit.
People can be very strange. At the slightest hint of an impending 
murderous downpour, everyone at the party dodges inside, which is a pity, in my opinion. Wouldn’t it be better to stand out in the pissing rain, carefree and drunk like the day we were born?
Of course it would. I mean, the place is full of full of fucking rockhoppers anyway and it never stops raining where they live.
I try to engage one of them in conversation.
Excellent rain, this.
He looks at me like he just caught me abusing the Infant of Prague.
Mhac a’ Deo orainn! he mutters, glancing back at me as he disappears into the bar.
What? I say. What?
So instead of enjoying the God-given downpour, they huddle at the foot of the stairs, under umbrellas, smoking darkly, gnawing at shish-kebabs, snarling as they tear at the moist, tender meat. Oh, did I mention to you that I was supposed to have a gang over from the Rock? Well, I was, because one of them was sharing a birthday here in town, at a well-known party place, and as it happens, I also know the other birthdayee.
How odd and serendipitous.
But as it happens, the only one who turned up at my door was the Rockhopper, carrying a deadly dangerous bottle of Jameson’s. It’s probably as well. I don’t know if my liver would have withstood an onslaught from more than one rockhopper at a time.
The night passed in a blur.
No. I correct myself:the night passed.
While I slept, a storm seems to have knocked down trees and uprooted entire families, and now I must take Satan for a walk in spite of hangovers and debilitation. Dear Jesus, take my advice and don’t ever get a dog.
I know! Why don’t we go for a stroll by the river? What a good idea. Satan can forage in the undergrowth, killing small furry animals, and I can blunder along half blind. Nobody will notice my trembling hands or my sweaty face.
Isn’t it peaceful?
It is. It’s lovely.
I have a chance to go over the events of the night with my inner voice, or at least the parts I remember.
Did I … ?
No.
Good.
Or maybe I …?
Not that either.
Oh thank fuck! What about …?
Yeah. You could easily have –
Ah no. Please don’t tell me that.
Don’t take that tone with me. I only work here.
Sorry.
Good. Shall we continue?
If you insist.
Well, there’s one thing I need to remind you of.
What?
It’s a bit embarrassing.
What, for fucksake? What??
Perhaps you should sit down.
For fucksake!! What???
Lean a little closer then.
You’re inside my fucking head. How can I lean closer?
Very well. I’ll whisper. Everything was going fine until you mumble-mumble-mumble.
Go on.
And then you mumble-mumble-mumble.
You’re fucking joking. I didn’t. I would never –
You did. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, you went along with the whole thing and mumble-mumble-mumble-mumble.
Ah noooooooo!!
Oh yes. It wasn’t until hours later when you –
Shut up!!
And realised what you –
Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up!!
Only then do I notice that other people out with their dogs are standing there silently watching me. It must seem strange to them that I’m screaming shut the fuck up and banging my head against a fallen tree, but at least my inner voice has gone away.
For now.
That’s birthday parties for you.
Stumble it!
June 22nd, 2008
You old replicant, you! I bet your inner voice looks just like Rutger Hauer.
June 22nd, 2008
It tells me I’ve done questionable things.
June 22nd, 2008
Just one small point: I was not standing out in the pissing rain, carefree and drunk the day I was born.
I don’t think I was anyway. No one ever said. Not even an inner voice.
June 22nd, 2008
Well, you must have been a very strange child, then.
June 23rd, 2008
It’s certainly a beautiful release to cease worrying about staying dry and feel the rain soak you to the skin……moments like that remind me I’m alive
June 23rd, 2008
Wait a sec…I wasn’t invited to my own birthday party???………….fuckers!!!
June 23rd, 2008
Actually we celebrated mine on Friday night and it ended up with me eating asphalt,a bad muscle tear and a Coast Guardsman pulling a chunk of shrapnel out of me.
I think I’ll stay on my couch next year.
June 23rd, 2008
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman.
June 26th, 2008
Hey, I would’ve been out there in the rain!
Wait, what’s rain…? I forget :(
…send some o’ yer rain this a’ way….California is on fire, and I can’t see for the smoke!
funny post, Bock. I liked the ending. Yep, you must have looked mighty strange thar pardner!
July 19th, 2008
SOG knives…
Interesting ideas… I wonder how the Hollywood media would portray this?…