Galactica
Posted on Thursday, June 12, 2008I missed an episode of Battlestar Galactica when we were away in Cardiff, so now I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
I tuned in last night, all snuggled up on the sofa with my little rabbit slippers, my hot-water bottle and my box of chocolates, ready to catch up with the adventures of the galactical boys and girls.
No. That’s a lie.
I made a wall of barbed wire, pulled on a torn vest, coated myself in axle grease and fired up a chainsaw.
That’s a lie too.
I opened a bottle of beer and sat down to find out what’s been going on while we were away winning the Heineken Cup. Sorry. Couldn’t resist putting that bit in. Sorry. It won’t happen again. Much.
You see, there was no BG last week, because Sky wanted to get in synch with the Americans, so we only missed one episode, but I was worried, and I was right to be worried. This thing is so densely packed with information that you can’t afford to miss a second.
Anyway, something vital seems to have happened while we were away in Wales winning the Heineken Cup and I don’t know what the fuck it is. What I do know is that Laura is either dead or not, and they’ve either blown up the Cylon Resurrection Hub or they haven’t. It was too easy. They blew the fucking thing to bits with hardly a peep out of the Cylons. Considering that it’s so central to all Cylon society, you’d imagine it would be better protected, wouldn’t you? Furthermore, the fucking Hybrid seems to have helped them to find the Hub, which makes no sense at all to me.
What did we miss while we were over there in Cardiff? What? What vital thing did we miss?
God, I hate this! Do you remember the old, cheesy Battlestar Galactica, with Lorne Green? There was none of this bullshit. None of this angst. None of this ambivalence. No moral qualms, indecision or agonising about what is a life-form. Cylons were bad robots, and a whole pile of coiffed actors with perfect teeth tried to stay looking beautiful while they blew them to bits.
The end.
Not only that. In the old Galactica, people were clean all the time, but in this new reimagined BG, everybody is sweaty, and drunk and aggressive, and eaten up with self-loathing and rage.
In the new Galactica, there are suicide bombers. Good ones. And everyone is either beating up their crewmates or fucking them.
God damn! Give me old mid-seventies cheesy American TV series. Programmes with certainty. Good guy. Bad guy. Bang! Dead bad guy.
Starsky and Hutch. Dallas. Old Galactica. Columbo. Magnum.
But can we please drop the moustaches? Everything but the moustaches.
And the flares. No flares either, ok? No flares.
And not the music either. Definitely not the background music.
But apart from that, can we have cheesy TV series that don’t require us to think too much? Simplistic moral certainties and planets of good guys that are actually America in space, fighting bad aliens that are actually just foreigners in space.
That would be great, wouldn’t it? Our children would learn that everything is going to be all right as long as we support whatever the government says, and love our planet against those evil freedom-hating aliens.
Sounds good. Anything that reinforces Homeworld Security is OK by me.
Stumble it!
June 12th, 2008
Smooth. Hey what about Buck Rogers? OK he was 80s, fair enough. While you’re at it, put me in charge, I’m a bit like that doctor chappie except I don’t see shit that isn’t there and I don’t have a burning need for people to like me.
June 12th, 2008
Forgive my prejudices, but do you work in computers Bock?
June 12th, 2008
Thrift: You’re hired.
EssoDee: You’re losing me there, old buddy. Help needed.
June 12th, 2008
dude dude dude chill budday, right here is the BIGGEST BSG fan ull find, I have them all from a happy place called pirate bay (a total stranger handed them to me of course) if you would happen to like the season burnt to a disk, I can speak with aliens and have them deliver it to you at your usual lunch spot…..
mail me, ill give them to you! all 4 seasons if ud like up as far as this weeks US release?
June 13th, 2008
Any IT people I know all seem to be mad into Sci - Fi. Just curious Bock.
June 13th, 2008
No. I wouldn’t be able for all that pizza.
June 14th, 2008
feckin hand it over to me so bock!! :) :) no anchovies tho!
those aliens will be onto you during the week, buying a new abode fecks with ur weekly schedual, sorry about that, but its well on its way :)