Lotto Winner Pockets €18M
Posted on Monday, June 30, 2008Do we know yet who won the €18 million in Carlow? I hope it’s an ordinary person and not some rich fucker who already has a big heap of money and doesn’t need any more. There was one guy a few years back who really pissed me off. He was a surgeon, or something like that, a specialist in conniptions or ingrown toenails, or maybe it was female baldness. I can’t remember, but it had to do with a deep knowledge of bad shit anyway. A deep, and lucrative, knowledge of bad shit.
This surgeon, or specialist in bad things,or whatever he was, already owned a half share in the Blackrock Clinic which is a machine for taking huge amounts of money out of your bank account, and this fucker won the Lotto.
No. Worse.
This fucker won the Lotto TWICE!
Ah for fucksake!
It’s true. Some incredibly rich medical fucker, who already owned part of an incredibly lucrative private clinic, won the goddam Lotto two times.
That is just wrong.
However, there’s a problem. I also don’t like it when some ordinary family wins an unfeasibly large amount of cash on the Lotto. No, really, I don’t. I’m eaten up with resentment when they sit there on their flowery sofa like a row of obese pigeons with their bad moustaches and their bellies hanging down on the floor, and their wobbling obese kids munching boxes of KFC deep-fried seagull.
This will change our lives.
Will it, now, you fat fucker? Will it mean your children are no longer called Beyoncé and Shakira? Will it mean they have less than twenty chins each? And what will you be doing this time next year? That’s right. Exactly the same as you’re doing now: fuck-all. You’ll still be sitting in front of the fucking tv eating instant dinners. The only difference is that you’ll be living in some fake-Georgian forty-bedroom castle, behind electric gates, with cctv everywhere in case your old neighbours break in and rob you. Shakira and Beyoncé will still be completely stupid, and you’ll be a hundred pounds fatter than you are today.
So here’s what I think.
To all incredibly rich surgeons, and to all fat knackers thinking of winning the Lotto:
Fuck off. It’s mine.
___________________
Thank you.
This outburst was sponsored GreedEnvySpiteCorp.
Stumble it!
June 30th, 2008
So what would you do with the money if you won it?
June 30th, 2008
Bitter is it??? he he
June 30th, 2008
I hate it when some nimrod wins an astonishing amount of cash and says he plans to go back to his job as a sludge-pumper at the local sewage treatment plant.
Clearly, these people are so fucking stupid they shouldn’t be allowed to keep the money.
June 30th, 2008
Bock, do you actually BUY lottery tickets?
June 30th, 2008
how do you really feel, sugar? xoxo
June 30th, 2008
Rob: It would go to maintain the Bock Foundation.
OrganDonor: Yes. Sharp as a serpent’s tooth.
Poobah: Exactly my point. Exactly.
Mary: certainly not!
Savannah: Much worse than that.
June 30th, 2008
I’d rather see an ordinary family with fat bellies win it, rather than a fat cat rich boy. People on the poor scale have zero motivation, they are living in a council house, earning low money, and eat takeaways and drink cheap beer, because they’ve nothing else. Who knows, if they won the lotto, they could buy a big fake georgian house, with a swimming pool/gym and personal trainer, everything they ever dreamed of but could never do. and they might all end up fit and healthy! Naaaaaaaaaahhh….won’t happen. I’ll have 10 portions of singapore rice please!
June 30th, 2008
How do you know they live in a council house?
June 30th, 2008
I heard it was a syndicate of 16 people so everyone will come out with over 1m each. Still a nice sum!!
June 30th, 2008
Sounds like a group of ordinry folk won it, €1m+ each.
But the Lotto’s basically an election giveaway fund for government politicians who get to send letters locally saying, “Look what I got ye”.
June 30th, 2008
Ordinary folk, maybe, but still bastards!
June 30th, 2008
the winners all work for a company that make concrete roof tiles.it sounds to me like a good group to win (still I would be happier if it was myself) that bollix of a surgeon was asked if it would change his life,he said hardly it’s less than a years pay what a prick
June 30th, 2008
I have only one chin, we could split the winnings Bock.
I have plans that could use funding, I want to mount a search for the Abominable Snowman. I plan to start my search where no others have thought to look yet, the beaches of various South Pacific tropical isles.
The search could take years, but I am dedicated and with the proper funding could go beach to beach for the rest of my lifetime continuing my search. In order to assure any potential investors this expedition is on the up and up, I have already purchased a pith helmet.
It’s good to have a plan.
June 30th, 2008
I couldn’t give a flying fuck who won! Good luck to them.
June 30th, 2008
What a good idea Mr Terwiliger. We could use it to go on the pith.
June 30th, 2008
Mr. Terwilliger, you’ll be needing someone along to chronicle your quest, no? I come with children, but they are excellent at making cocktails and fetching the sun-cream. I come with a nice husband too but… well, you know, there’s always the phone. After a few months the ache of missing us will pass, I expect.
June 30th, 2008
I knew my plan had some merit despite the many rejections my proposals have gotten from the National Geographic Society and various museums around the globe. Since you’ve shown some interest here I’ll be sure to post a sign-up sheet, once I get funding or am successful at the faith-based economics lotto plan.
Returning to the subject of all those over-weight people, I’m thinking of marketing a diet plan to them since I’ve always been on the thin side myself and know a bit about not getting fat. I think my plan will require them to mail me their dessert rather than eating it themselves.
After paying me a steep enrollment fee of course.